About Me

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Calgary, Alberta, Canada
I am a lot of things - I am limited edition, not weird :) . A Christ Lover and a fashion lover. I love crime and comedy shows (or movies) .. and I always move on no matter what :)

Sunday, June 12, 2016

Perfectly Single?

In a world where everywhere you turn you must "see" the hashtag #couplegoals, it seems like it is much more valuable to do life - whatever it is, with someone else. When you are in a relationship, you mostly automatically have a partner for all your favorite activities - a movie, hiking, dinner, playing video games, vacationing etc,. You also by default and love, have to pick up new hobbies, and enjoy them with the person. 


While it is absolutely beautiful to do things with someone else, there is also that thing about enjoying life by yourself, independently and beautifully alone. The question today is where do we draw the line?  

I have found that I am way better when I do things alone - studying, a pet project, learning or developing a hobby, etc. Even at a new job, I have to learn things on my own instead of being spoon fed. For me, finding your own way is the point. Sometimes, being alone in a space with no one particularly known makes me so much more productive. Is that weird? 

So yes, I would go to the movies alone, sign up for an activity alone and so on. While I enjoy spending time with my friends and family, sometimes, it is better alone. Yes, I plan it in my head, share it, and then kindly decline any sort of offer for others to hop in - I am not always successful 'cos stubborn friends lol. Maybe being an only child, and growing up as one contributes to this?  I am not sure I know how to be any other way.

Also, I have been single for a minute and in this period, I am learning a lot about myself.  I am finding that comfort and confidence in who I am and just owning it. I did not realize how much I could appreciate who God has made me and I grateful for this gift. 

Sometimes, I fear meeting the significant other. What if he just wants to scatter this sanity and space that has been created for me? What if he doesn't appreciate and understand the way I am crafted? When I say I need some time to recreate or to regain my energy, I fear that he will take it personal, and think it is because I do not love him enough. The reality is that I already have so much love in me for him and by God's grace, it won't run out. Will he understand the time requested is for my sanity?

So here I am, living a single person's dream and loving life.  I am enjoying the journey and appreciating whatever life throws at me.  But could I be too comfortable in my own space and unknowingly, looking the other way when there is a threat of someone scattering my sanity? Or maybe it is A-okay to have these fears, and to be careful when making such decisions? Where exactly do we draw the line? 

Am I the only one who is like this? Are there other people out there like me? What do you think or what advice do you have? I would love to read your thoughts, opinion / & advice. Please leave your comments. 

Thanks for reading, I hope  you enjoyed this post, and will be returning for more from Abi :) 

Love, 
Abi Tobi. 



9 comments:

  1. Interesting article Abi! I think it is a great gift to be comfortable and confident enough to do things alone. I believe most people fear being alone at any point in time and that can sometimes lead to wrong decisions like being with the wrong person. However, I think at the end of the day its all about balance - being balanced enough to spend time alone and being balanced enough to open your life to someone else. Easier said than done!

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    1. yes, It is easier said than done, but I guess we should let ourselves be vulnerable :/

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  2. Hi B great article, however finding the other boo shouldn't be a thing of fear,you attract what you desire or think. You just need to think the right thought.

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    1. hey Abby, thanks for the advice :)

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  3. Hi B great article, however finding the other boo shouldn't be a thing of fear,you attract what you desire or think. You just need to think the right thought.

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  4. I read it again Abi :) I think we don't need to have those fears because, I think it should be possible to still 'live single' even when with someone. Obviously not being selfish and all but you'll still have your space and sanity (studying, pet projects, learning or developing a hobby) but maybe we can look at it like instead of going to the movies alone, you'll be going with someone dear to you who will enhance the experience.

    I think enjoy being single and don't fear the addition of someone else in your life, let singleness teach you how to love yourself and eventually your sig. other.

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    1. I like that, that we should see it as being with someone who will enhance the experience with us, and for us. that's a good way to look at it too. thanks!

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  5. As someone who has been single for a minute, i can totally relate. I'm all for natural progression though so i'm not worried about S/O showing up. I guess when he does, it'll still make sense for me to let go of my space without thinking twice about it...It's happened before so I'm not worried. How have you been girl?

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  6. I think It's ok to have such fears. Will he understand my personality? I can't tell. I think it's also ok to be introverted and not understood for a while, because we are all wired in very many different ways. One of the most difficult tasks of a relationship is trying to understand your partner, and by this, I also mean understanding the kind of environment he or she is able to thrive in.

    I loose a lot of energy when I am among a crowd of people for too long, and of course the opposite is true. I gain a lot of energy and inspiration being alone. It's often said that likes attract opposites just as the magnets, and I believe the same is as in life and relationships. We all sometimes need that someone who can take us out of our comfort zone and experience life as it is on the other side of the spectrum, however we don't realize this need sometimes until we have taken a few baby step towards allowing ourselves to pushed out of that zone. More like sacrificing your comfort zone. Not saying that such steps always have a happy ending or discovery, but it's usually worth giving a try. on the other hand, the fear is what would sometimes push us to making this sacrifices. If there's some understanding about how each partner is re-energized, maybe there ban be an equal share of discomfort from on partner to make the other happy.

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