About Me

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Calgary, Alberta, Canada
I am a lot of things - I am limited edition, not weird :) . A Christ Lover and a fashion lover. I love crime and comedy shows (or movies) .. and I always move on no matter what :)

Sunday, October 18, 2015

7 Types of Time Wasters - Relationships Edition

The meat market can be so so cold and to top that, we sometimes meet people whose aim is to waste our time. (okay! let us back up) One of my friends calls it the meat market, and it is basically the market for the bae-less and boo-less, lol.  I just like the name "meat market".

Anyways, time is such a valuable resource to me, and with life getting really busy, it becomes even more essential to allocate and prioritize time. Today, I will be talking about 7 types of time wasters and how you recognize them and their tricks.

1) The Mind-Player: This one tries to touch your buttons to see if he is saying what you want to hear/ see how far he can go with you. They will move towards the direction you move just to get what they want. They could make you feel all warm and good inside and you might even find yourself falling for them.

Here is the trick, whenever it is time to take things to the next level, or to talk about being serious, they have an excuse, and they tell you they are not ready. You might hear things like " you need a financially stable man, I am working on it" or " My emotions are all over the place, I am not ready" or "I am so busy with life right now, it might be hard to make time for us".


RIGHT! hmm... sweet heart, once the right person comes along, it's goodbye to you forever! Things will never be serious with you. This man just wants to hang around you, to while away time until the right person comes along.

2) The "We Should" :   Have you met a guy who seems to be interested in you and then asks you out? No big deal, a simple date is an opportunity to get to know someone. Then, he never steps up! Every time this person talks to you / contacts you, he tells you he wants to get to know you and that you both SHOULD do something, you agree, but that's where it ends and he never follows up. Boy, do something about it or shut up and go away! Like, will you be taking me out or not?

If you find yourself in this situation, girl, he is not just that into you, and is most likely trying to play on your emotions or boost his own ego. Just keep it moving, you don't need that kind of energy in your world.

3) The Taken:  You meet a guy who seems really nice, and the chemistry or connection between both of you is just wonderful and you are loving it, the only problem is that he has a girlfriend. Hold up! only problem? the whole situation is a big problem! People say once you find out that someone is not available, they become more desirable, it's that thing about wanting someone whom you cannot have.

So you might find yourself falling for him, and considering being a professional Olivia Pope ( if you don't watch Scandal, google it, lol). You might start to see that you are comparing yourself to the girlfriend and telling yourself how much better you are than she is. Girl, it's not about her, it's about the hot mess you are in. This man might tell you to give him time, that he needs time to end things with his girl and he might tell you how much more you are and you are all he needs.  He might say If only he met you earlier than he did her. You might even feel faltered. hmm It's a LIE! Don't be deceived my dear.









Hmmm, I believe that no matter whom we are dating, we are bound to meet someone (we feel like) who is better than our partner, this person could be more good looking, richer, nicer, you might even feel some higher level of chemistry but if you have dedicated  and made promises to be with your partner, then do so or stop wasting their time.

This guy will tell you everything and 2 years later he is still with his girlfriend. There are even guys who leave their girl, date you, dump you and return to that same girl ( cold world). Okay, okay, 1 in 10,000 times, this might work but I am just saying flee from every sign of evil and do not waste your time. This guy is a certified time waster and the sad thing is when emotions are involved, we girls tend to believe or make sense of the tales men sell us.

4) Under-G lover:   These set of people might actually treat you so well but on a part-time basis. They usually prefer to meet you at certain hours, and will hardly ever admit to seeing you or talking to you as more than a friend. When you suggest meeting up for lunch or eating out during the day, there might be an excuse. They prefer to meet in doors, and sometimes will mostly only contact you at interesting hours like 11pm.

If you find yourself in a relationship like this and you are hoping for something more, he has nothing to offer. If you love your time, just keep it moving

5) I Want to Marry You :   You meet someone today and he tells you he wants to start a family with you tomorrow. Am I the only one who gets terrified by these kinds of men? I mean, I could be a psychopath or a serial killer? How does anyone make such a crucial life decision within 24 hours?

okay, okay, there are exceptions. There are three types of men who say this. The first set will tell you this because they think when the ladies hear it, it makes us believe they are with us for good. This man will dance around the topic and tell you that he is sure you are his wife, after shortly meeting you O_o

The second set of men are desperate. They are so eager to get married that they will accept anyone. Yes, they do want to get married to you but they will get married to anyone who says yes to their request. The third set are actually genuine, maybe they have being praying about it, and God ministered to them and they are sure you are the one. Even with that, wisdom is key.



This post is targeting the first set, they will tell you all the sweet things about the long term and might even start discussing how many kids you both will have, or where your family will be located. You might feel warm and glad that you have met someone whom sees forever with you, just to find out months into the relationship that he is all lies and everything fake. I will say, be careful of men who sell marriage to you shortly after meeting you.

6) Hot & Cold: This person makes you feel like the world today and tomorrow treats you like you are the scum of the earth. You never really know with this one, you never know what to expect. They might be the best person to you when you have something for them or to offer them. You are hardly even happy in that relationship. This person is wasting your time and making you his prisoner at the same time.




7) The "I Am the Answers to Your Prayers":  These set of people make me laugh. You know when you are just getting to know someone, haven't made up your mind about anything but as a well cultured person, you are polite. And they start to act like they are the answers to your prayers. ha! like you are privileged to spend time with them. I believe it's their "I am all that" attitude and the silly excuses they make when they rudely cancel plans.

Sometimes, you look at this arrogant person and there is really nothing so special about them. Ladies, if you are talking to someone you are "privileged" to be talking to. Please don't waste your time, on to the next.

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I am a strong believer that if a man truly wants to get to know you, or if he is truly interested in you, he will do everything in his will power to do it, it is not rocket science. There is no point making excuses for people anymore, there is no point waiting around for them to change or step it up and there is absolutely no point feeling bad about yourself because of how one human being treats/ perceives you. At the end, you have the power to say no to the nonsense, and walk away. You don't need to have your time wasted.












Disclaimer:  I am not one of those who believe that there are no good men or women out there. I actually believe that there is good in everyone and we can bring out the best in each other. I also believe that despite the bad experiences that come with non-intentional, half-heart-ed, lazy men, the journey is worth it and will feel even better when the right person comes along.

Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed this post!! If you have other types of time wasters you want to share, please do so. Also, please leave comments or feedback if you have any :) :)

with love,
Abi Tobi xx

Thursday, October 15, 2015

Confessions of a Shopaholic

YAY! It's summer! the period of BBQ's  and all things fun. Don't you like that you can eat crap and burn it quicker in this season? Wait! Have you guys noticed something? Everyone comes out in summer. There are people I might only see once a year and guess when I see them? You guessed right; in summer lol.

** P.S. this post has been sitting in my draft since the beginning of summer and the season is now goooonneeeeee, sigh. Fall is beautiful though. I love all the pretty colors and I love dressing up for this weather***** 

Anyways, back to business, I have been longing to do a post on a throw back on something that happened about 2 years ago but we will be hitting other streets today. Yes, its all about me discovering I am a shopaholic.


Sigh . . . I always thought shopaholics are only those people who go on and on buying the most expensive things and maxing out their credit cards. I got it wrong, at least, to me, I got it wrong.

This year, I realized that over the years, one of the things I "need" to do to release stress is to shop and it honestly does not matter what I am shopping for;  it could be groceries and adding some extra items I would normally not buy or eat, it could be random things for organizing I "think" I need, it could be clothes, make-up etc - anything. It could be me eating out more often than I usually would. As long as I am buying something I can enjoy or see. I smile, I am good.

I go through this phase when life seems to be going too fast or when I am at my lows. Sometimes, it comes to me like I need to reward myself; reward myself for working hard at something, at other times, it is because I have had a stressful or "down" week and  I feel the need to treat myself. But there is a real problem when you feel you need a treat/ reward almost every time especially when your bank account says no *cringes*

"...I mean, why do we buy things we do not need, things that are not necessary, or add to the junk we already have? ..."  

Shopping genuinely makes me happy, it puts a real spark on my face and takes away so much stress/burden. It is a real therapy and it sure works! While I am pretty sensible about the way I  spend my money, I still feel like the excessive need to always shop is a weakness. I mean, why do we buy things we do not need, things that are not necessary, or add to the junk we already have?

Do I need an intervention? lol, I am not sure/ I think not. However, I do wish to win a shopping spree or something like that - serious face ( just in case anyone out there wants to take me :) ) .  But really, I need to find other ways to deal with certain situations, and I also have to remember the importance of being prudent.

So, this year, I noticed that even though I am not maxing out my credit cards and I know when to tell myself no, I still need to develop some discipline in this area - working on it. I believe we should always improve ourselves.

Is anybody out there like me? Are there some habits or things you need to work on too? Do you have any advice for me? feel free to share :)

I hope you enjoyed this post, please don't forget to leave your comments and feedback :)

with love, 
Abi Tobi