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Calgary, Alberta, Canada
I am a lot of things - I am limited edition, not weird :) . A Christ Lover and a fashion lover. I love crime and comedy shows (or movies) .. and I always move on no matter what :)

Monday, January 19, 2015

7 Things you start to Hear/ Experience as a Young Single African Female ...

Happy New Year Guys!!! I am grateful to have made it into the new year and I feel like this year will be full of good surprises, I feel it in my fingers and toes and bones lol. Anyways, I wish you all the best in everything this year.

Do you remember when you had to keep your boyfriend/girlfriend a secret because if your mama or papa found out, you are a dead meat (pretty much)? haha. Depending on your culture/ parents, especially for those of us from an African home, being in a relationship in your early teens was highly frowned upon... for some people, this rule applied even when they were in post secondary. Okay, fast-forward to years later right after graduation from post secondary and suddenly, everything changes-180 degrees!  Let us talk about 7 questions/ experiences you start to hear/ have.

Before we move on, let me clarify that for the purpose of this blog-post, single means your family has no idea you are in a relationship, they do NOT take your present relationship serious or in reality, you are single.

So, you are finally done school, those sleepless nights paid off! And like many fresh graduates, you are thinking of the next chapter of your life - maybe to try to gain valuable work experience, start a business or maybe go back to school. BUT to your surprise, your family and everyone in your village ( including those you have never seen in your life) have the perfect plan for you - You need to get married ASAP!  Let us admit that some of them care and want you to move on to the next level but personally, I find the whole situation funny...  "why did we have to grow up SO quickly and how did we get here again?" lol

Moving on, here are some of the questions/ experiences you might experience;
(p.s. you can post a comment if you have other questions or experiences you want to share)

1) When are we meeting him?: Okay, hold up! you feel like you are not hearing clearly. Just yesterday, you were prohibited from talking about a potential boyfriend and today, he is supposed to be "meeting the parents?" .. how? and please define "him" lol

2) Maybe your standards are too high?: Everyone starts to know what standards you should have, " men don't like a woman that is wealthy, maybe you should sell your condo" or "you should not be dressing like this, no man will come" or "just agree to what he says". Sometimes, it feels like you should just be a bubble head so that you can lock a man down... sigh*** what  happened to friendship, love and understanding? shouldn't we be going into a relationship for the right reasons? smh

3)  Are the boys not coming?: And in your head you are like "say what?" some people even go further to ask you to go for special prayers- just in case "the spirits" are keeping him away. The best answer to this question is silence (I think), you keep them wondering and confused and they might start to think that they are actually right lol.. who is the joke on now?

4) Some of your married / "taken" friends might cut you off: It's like this is some sort of competition and if you are not smart enough to be in a relationship "we can't associate with you" smh. Why do we girls do these things? I have spoken to different people and at some point, ladies usually experience this. That friend suddenly starts to act like they are on a whole new better, clearer and higher level. You want to offer an advice? they look at you like " what does this one have to say" lol.... no words! Some people don't know they act this way though.

5) When your mom or aunt calls, she will tell you about an "aso- ebi" she is about to buy: You now get phone calls that the only important detail of the conversation is how "Mrs. Banjo's" daughter, Anna, who is younger than you is getting married next month. Your mom/aunt will tell you all about Anna's future husband and how proud her mother is of her. In-case you have been wondering why your mom will talk to you about a woman she isn't even close to,  it might be her way of dropping hints! lol it's interesting.

6) If you can not get a man, we will help you :) :  This is not necessarily an uncomfortable thing, actually it's a good way to meet people depending on your relationship with your parents and/ family. But it gets all crazy when they start to set you up  repeatedly with people you canNOT stand for one second ... Such a disaster!

7)  You are very single but Your wedding is being planned: That awkward moment when your family tells you exactly what your wedding will be like and that awkward moment when you are very single and everyone is hoping that miraculously, "before the end of the year" you will be married.. oh boy! things that make me crawl under my skin. smh...  But have they stopped to consider your plans?  "what if it's not in my short term goals? or "what if I do not intend to get married?"  :/

Sometimes, we girls might find ourselves in situations where we start to get too eager to get married mostly because of pressure and because "all our friends" are doing it. In our mid- twenties, we see proposals everyday and everywhere, people will ask questions and people will try to set us up with the wrong kind of person. Like I stated earlier, I believe our families want the best for us and have a desire that we move on quickly and easily but we have a responsibility here.

Don't let the pressure get to you and do not get into a relationship for the wrong reasons. Being married is becoming a trend for us, and some people do not take their time to know what they are getting into. People get into the most miserable, unhealthy, worst times of their lives because they were too eager. All I am saying is, don't be those people.

At the end, it will be you and your partner dealing with everything/ problem together, no one will go through whatever will happen in your marriage with you - your family won't be there in your home with you. Marriage should not be a title or some sort of  "status enhancing factor". It should be for the long haul with someone whom is willing to hold you and whom you are willing to hold even when you have/ (s)he has lost everything. I believe it should be about love and friendship and we should not get into it because the society wants us to. We have to be comfortable and glad with our choice and we need to trust that God will bless us with the right person.

Please let me know your opinion about this :)
Have a great week everyone!

With Love,
Abi Tobi <3



4 comments:

  1. Looool so true.........The pressure is real.

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  2. Also God forbid your younger sibling gets married before. it becomes how did they manage it and you didnt. Like somehow I control the guys that come my way. #africanparents

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  3. @Ginika @Azarya haha I am glad you enjoyed it ! @Anonymous, oh boy! that`s true ! African parents are special lol

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