About Me

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Calgary, Alberta, Canada
I am a lot of things - I am limited edition, not weird :) . A Christ Lover and a fashion lover. I love crime and comedy shows (or movies) .. and I always move on no matter what :)

Sunday, December 20, 2015

Let's get personal - a few random things


I was tagged to write this post and answer some questions by Toinlicious .. Toinlicious is one of those bloggers I have been following for years and from her style of writing, she seems down to earth and true to herself. She is someone I think we will get along so well in real life lol. Thanks for including me in this :)  I was tagged all the way in October and I am only just having the time to take on the challenge :\

I wasn't sure who to tag, but I have two friend bloggers and hopefully they are up for it too :D
Azarya and in the quiet 




Here are the rules
1. Thank the blogger who nominated you, linking back to their site; 
2. Put the award logo on your blog; 
3. Answer the ten questions sent to you; 
4. Nominate five blogs;
5. Make up ten new questions for your nominees to answer. 


1. What is your biggest pet peeve? hmm I don't even know - I have a number and I am learning to over look some of them. ughh I really can't stand seeing hair strands everywhere, it can drive me crazy haha, seriously tho. I get up and start picking hair strands when I see them. I just hate them. 


2. What does your last text message say? - msg to me:  lol, smh .


3. Make a confession about anything.  Hmm I enjoy learning about accounting :\ .

4. What is the lesson of love that took you the longest to learn? To share more, to share more about my day- to - day plans, to make extra, extra time for someone who is special - once I got these, relationships became better. 

5. If you could spend one day alone with anyone in history (dead or alive), whom would you choose? I am not sure :/ does more time with myself count :/ ??  ohhh actually, I know, it will be with this girl I met at university. She was an exchange student from Australia and we were best friends for the semester she was here. After that, she disappeared from social media, and slowly from Skype too. I lost her email  and I think that was around the same time I changed mine too :( .

6. If you had to teach your kids one lesson in life, what would it be? To understand that everyone is wired differently, and to respect people irrespective of their background, race, age or religion.

7. If you could "un-know" one thing, what would it be? I can't think of any atm. I will answer another question Toinlicious answered instead. It was her 7th question. 

 What is your secret weapon to lure the opposite sex, boyfriend, husband, potential? I am not so sure. I love being chased, so I don't even know. I think just being myself and not playing any mind - games. I absolutely hate mind games.

8. Paint your entire home inside and out a single color other than white, what color would you choose? Beige or light gray .

9. What is the most terrifying moment of your life? OH mahn! Those moments are too personal to share, Like #7, I will answer her 9th question instead. 

 What would you change about your experience in secondary school? hmm , I wish I took advantage of some opportunities. I wish I never quit track and field. 

10. If you could transport yourself to a place/era in d world, where would you go? Back to when I was a kid and the bills were not sitting on my table, and when one of the major things that made me cry so much was my mother forcing me to eat  -- hmm m good times.  


and I am repeating most of  the questions to be asked :D


1. What is your biggest pet peeve?

2. What is your secret weapon to lure the opposite sex, boyfriend, husband, potential?
3. Make a confession about anything.
4. What is the lesson of love that took you the longest to learn?
5. If you could spend one day alone with anyone in history (dead or alive), whom would you choose?6. If you had to teach your kids one lesson in life, what would it be?
7. If you could "un-know" one thing, what would it be?
8. Paint your entire home inside and out a single colour other than white, what colour would you choose?
9. Till date, what is your most memorable moment ?
10. If you could transport yourself to a place/era in d world, where would you go?

I hope you enjoyed reading my answers these questions.  If you will like to answer any of the questions you can comment below too :) 

Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Glass Eyes

I loved making paper planes.
and ice cream in a cone?
oh! that was my favorite gift from my daddy.
I loved watching cartoon; everything Disney was wonderful

I looked forward to school;
the perfect opportunity to play in the mud.
the smell of my mommy's freshly baked cookies
cookies and milk; my favorite snack

My little sister and I would  dress up
use mommy's makeup sometimes,
.. and got into trouble,
my little sister, she had the happiest laugh

The best road trips were to granddad and grandma
Grandma gives the best hugs

Until.. Chaos
For the first time, I saw fear in my father's eyes
we hid, we hoped everyday
that no bullet reach us,
that the bombs are not beneath us
Our hearts are breaking,
they hurt, they cry




My eyes are like glass
I can hear my dad scream his lungs out
I can feel my mother's disarray; like she has lost her mind
My father's tears, thick as blood
He hugs me, he is warm, oh he is so warm
I feel like I need more of his warmth.
I want to make them smile, tell them I am okay
I try to speak but can't reach my voice
My eyes are like glass
My body cold as ice
my father's tears thick as blood
he kisses our faces
.. my little sister right there in his arms too
.. he holds her tighter
.. my little sister, just as cold as I am
.. she can not reach her laughter anymore;
LIFELESS...

Dedicated to everyone who has lost a loved one(s) in any of the attacks and wars around the world.

Words can't express much but you are in somebody's prayers.


P.S. I recently saw a video of a Muslim father whose children were killed in an attack. He was hugging his lifeless children. So heart breaking.
Praying that the wars and attacks around the world stop.  Praying for comfort to everyone who is suffering as a result of them

Sunday, October 18, 2015

7 Types of Time Wasters - Relationships Edition

The meat market can be so so cold and to top that, we sometimes meet people whose aim is to waste our time. (okay! let us back up) One of my friends calls it the meat market, and it is basically the market for the bae-less and boo-less, lol.  I just like the name "meat market".

Anyways, time is such a valuable resource to me, and with life getting really busy, it becomes even more essential to allocate and prioritize time. Today, I will be talking about 7 types of time wasters and how you recognize them and their tricks.

1) The Mind-Player: This one tries to touch your buttons to see if he is saying what you want to hear/ see how far he can go with you. They will move towards the direction you move just to get what they want. They could make you feel all warm and good inside and you might even find yourself falling for them.

Here is the trick, whenever it is time to take things to the next level, or to talk about being serious, they have an excuse, and they tell you they are not ready. You might hear things like " you need a financially stable man, I am working on it" or " My emotions are all over the place, I am not ready" or "I am so busy with life right now, it might be hard to make time for us".


RIGHT! hmm... sweet heart, once the right person comes along, it's goodbye to you forever! Things will never be serious with you. This man just wants to hang around you, to while away time until the right person comes along.

2) The "We Should" :   Have you met a guy who seems to be interested in you and then asks you out? No big deal, a simple date is an opportunity to get to know someone. Then, he never steps up! Every time this person talks to you / contacts you, he tells you he wants to get to know you and that you both SHOULD do something, you agree, but that's where it ends and he never follows up. Boy, do something about it or shut up and go away! Like, will you be taking me out or not?

If you find yourself in this situation, girl, he is not just that into you, and is most likely trying to play on your emotions or boost his own ego. Just keep it moving, you don't need that kind of energy in your world.

3) The Taken:  You meet a guy who seems really nice, and the chemistry or connection between both of you is just wonderful and you are loving it, the only problem is that he has a girlfriend. Hold up! only problem? the whole situation is a big problem! People say once you find out that someone is not available, they become more desirable, it's that thing about wanting someone whom you cannot have.

So you might find yourself falling for him, and considering being a professional Olivia Pope ( if you don't watch Scandal, google it, lol). You might start to see that you are comparing yourself to the girlfriend and telling yourself how much better you are than she is. Girl, it's not about her, it's about the hot mess you are in. This man might tell you to give him time, that he needs time to end things with his girl and he might tell you how much more you are and you are all he needs.  He might say If only he met you earlier than he did her. You might even feel faltered. hmm It's a LIE! Don't be deceived my dear.









Hmmm, I believe that no matter whom we are dating, we are bound to meet someone (we feel like) who is better than our partner, this person could be more good looking, richer, nicer, you might even feel some higher level of chemistry but if you have dedicated  and made promises to be with your partner, then do so or stop wasting their time.

This guy will tell you everything and 2 years later he is still with his girlfriend. There are even guys who leave their girl, date you, dump you and return to that same girl ( cold world). Okay, okay, 1 in 10,000 times, this might work but I am just saying flee from every sign of evil and do not waste your time. This guy is a certified time waster and the sad thing is when emotions are involved, we girls tend to believe or make sense of the tales men sell us.

4) Under-G lover:   These set of people might actually treat you so well but on a part-time basis. They usually prefer to meet you at certain hours, and will hardly ever admit to seeing you or talking to you as more than a friend. When you suggest meeting up for lunch or eating out during the day, there might be an excuse. They prefer to meet in doors, and sometimes will mostly only contact you at interesting hours like 11pm.

If you find yourself in a relationship like this and you are hoping for something more, he has nothing to offer. If you love your time, just keep it moving

5) I Want to Marry You :   You meet someone today and he tells you he wants to start a family with you tomorrow. Am I the only one who gets terrified by these kinds of men? I mean, I could be a psychopath or a serial killer? How does anyone make such a crucial life decision within 24 hours?

okay, okay, there are exceptions. There are three types of men who say this. The first set will tell you this because they think when the ladies hear it, it makes us believe they are with us for good. This man will dance around the topic and tell you that he is sure you are his wife, after shortly meeting you O_o

The second set of men are desperate. They are so eager to get married that they will accept anyone. Yes, they do want to get married to you but they will get married to anyone who says yes to their request. The third set are actually genuine, maybe they have being praying about it, and God ministered to them and they are sure you are the one. Even with that, wisdom is key.



This post is targeting the first set, they will tell you all the sweet things about the long term and might even start discussing how many kids you both will have, or where your family will be located. You might feel warm and glad that you have met someone whom sees forever with you, just to find out months into the relationship that he is all lies and everything fake. I will say, be careful of men who sell marriage to you shortly after meeting you.

6) Hot & Cold: This person makes you feel like the world today and tomorrow treats you like you are the scum of the earth. You never really know with this one, you never know what to expect. They might be the best person to you when you have something for them or to offer them. You are hardly even happy in that relationship. This person is wasting your time and making you his prisoner at the same time.




7) The "I Am the Answers to Your Prayers":  These set of people make me laugh. You know when you are just getting to know someone, haven't made up your mind about anything but as a well cultured person, you are polite. And they start to act like they are the answers to your prayers. ha! like you are privileged to spend time with them. I believe it's their "I am all that" attitude and the silly excuses they make when they rudely cancel plans.

Sometimes, you look at this arrogant person and there is really nothing so special about them. Ladies, if you are talking to someone you are "privileged" to be talking to. Please don't waste your time, on to the next.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I am a strong believer that if a man truly wants to get to know you, or if he is truly interested in you, he will do everything in his will power to do it, it is not rocket science. There is no point making excuses for people anymore, there is no point waiting around for them to change or step it up and there is absolutely no point feeling bad about yourself because of how one human being treats/ perceives you. At the end, you have the power to say no to the nonsense, and walk away. You don't need to have your time wasted.












Disclaimer:  I am not one of those who believe that there are no good men or women out there. I actually believe that there is good in everyone and we can bring out the best in each other. I also believe that despite the bad experiences that come with non-intentional, half-heart-ed, lazy men, the journey is worth it and will feel even better when the right person comes along.

Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed this post!! If you have other types of time wasters you want to share, please do so. Also, please leave comments or feedback if you have any :) :)

with love,
Abi Tobi xx

Thursday, October 15, 2015

Confessions of a Shopaholic

YAY! It's summer! the period of BBQ's  and all things fun. Don't you like that you can eat crap and burn it quicker in this season? Wait! Have you guys noticed something? Everyone comes out in summer. There are people I might only see once a year and guess when I see them? You guessed right; in summer lol.

** P.S. this post has been sitting in my draft since the beginning of summer and the season is now goooonneeeeee, sigh. Fall is beautiful though. I love all the pretty colors and I love dressing up for this weather***** 

Anyways, back to business, I have been longing to do a post on a throw back on something that happened about 2 years ago but we will be hitting other streets today. Yes, its all about me discovering I am a shopaholic.


Sigh . . . I always thought shopaholics are only those people who go on and on buying the most expensive things and maxing out their credit cards. I got it wrong, at least, to me, I got it wrong.

This year, I realized that over the years, one of the things I "need" to do to release stress is to shop and it honestly does not matter what I am shopping for;  it could be groceries and adding some extra items I would normally not buy or eat, it could be random things for organizing I "think" I need, it could be clothes, make-up etc - anything. It could be me eating out more often than I usually would. As long as I am buying something I can enjoy or see. I smile, I am good.

I go through this phase when life seems to be going too fast or when I am at my lows. Sometimes, it comes to me like I need to reward myself; reward myself for working hard at something, at other times, it is because I have had a stressful or "down" week and  I feel the need to treat myself. But there is a real problem when you feel you need a treat/ reward almost every time especially when your bank account says no *cringes*

"...I mean, why do we buy things we do not need, things that are not necessary, or add to the junk we already have? ..."  

Shopping genuinely makes me happy, it puts a real spark on my face and takes away so much stress/burden. It is a real therapy and it sure works! While I am pretty sensible about the way I  spend my money, I still feel like the excessive need to always shop is a weakness. I mean, why do we buy things we do not need, things that are not necessary, or add to the junk we already have?

Do I need an intervention? lol, I am not sure/ I think not. However, I do wish to win a shopping spree or something like that - serious face ( just in case anyone out there wants to take me :) ) .  But really, I need to find other ways to deal with certain situations, and I also have to remember the importance of being prudent.

So, this year, I noticed that even though I am not maxing out my credit cards and I know when to tell myself no, I still need to develop some discipline in this area - working on it. I believe we should always improve ourselves.

Is anybody out there like me? Are there some habits or things you need to work on too? Do you have any advice for me? feel free to share :)

I hope you enjoyed this post, please don't forget to leave your comments and feedback :)

with love, 
Abi Tobi 

Saturday, August 1, 2015

Culturally Tense?

I have disliked watching the news for as long as I can remember and this is because there is so much unhappy news spreading. But since it is important to know what is going on in this world, and for the importance of accepting reality, I take them in doses.

More recently, in the past year, there has been more coverage of police brutality in America; and a constant battle; where some black people believe the abuse is solely based on racism while others feel like it is not really a "color" thing.

While I was growing up, and even in university, I wanted to know much about history and everything that happened that  makes the world so culturally or color tense, and I learnt a whole lot. I believed that things would get better with time, with more exposure, education and interaction with one another. Sometimes, it feels like we have come a long way and things are definitely getting better, and at other times, it feels like we are right where we started.

I think one of biggest problems we face is that as a people of different cultures, background and "color," we are not able to see past our own backgrounds or accept and understand people irrespective of their race. For me, there are people I have met of a different race and culture, raised from the other side of the world but whom are more similar to me than my next door Nigerian Yoruba neighbor. My point is that, if we are not so blinded by preconceptions, we will be able to appreciate people better.

Another problem is mistaking race to be one definite culture. For example, the North African culture is different from the West African culture and those are also different from the African American culture. Likewise, there is a difference between the Irish culture and the white- American culture. When we start to group all Asians as one definite culture, our ignorance speaks in loud volumes. It is important to understand and educate ourselves about one another.



Ignorance is also such a big problem, and the way we are so eager to stupidly play out our ignorance. Some questions we ask other people of unfamiliar culture can come off as rude or just plain annoying, and this kind of interaction can push people away. I cannot count the number of times people have asked interesting questions about my hair - both extensions and natural hair. And trust me, not in a way that shows they are curious or what to be educated. Personally, I am eager to share and educate people about what we black girls do to our hair and why we do, because I understand that people are not exposed to certain things. But some people are rude and  ask questions that come off as " It's all fake anyways" or make you feel like your natural hair is the strangest thing they have ever seen lol.

In the same way, I have heard black people talk so ignorantly about another race.  I think we should be sensitive in our approach to others. My one simple advice is  that if you do not know or understand something; ask questions - genuinely, in a way that shows you want to be educated or if you are shy - ask google.

Another problem is the need to feel like our own kind is the best kind. The fact that i am using "own kind" is annoying but I am not sure how else to explain it. Is there a constant need for us to feel like we are better than the next person? Do we really need to separate ourselves from the next group of people and talk down about them and at them? I am not sure if this truly makes anyone feel better, and if it does, they have a problem they need to go deal with.

Power is another thing, I think power intoxicates people and they will use any chance they get to misuse it so that the next human being can feel less about themselves. I just wonder why there is a constant need for humans to feel superior to others.


Racism is still a thing we need to fight and we should not close our eyes and act like it is not a problem; however, it should not be an opportunity to play the "race card". It is important to be objective in situations. While I too have experienced discrimination and racism a number of times, I objectively thought about those events and everything that could have made the person act the way they did. When all reasons failed, I had to come to a place where I was sure that they were discriminatory. We should strip ourselves of thinking the next person will definitely discriminate us- give people a chance to prove themselves.

I believe that individually and collectively, we can make the world a better place. We can make a decision to get to know people irrespective of their race, culture, sexual orientation, or religion and respect other's views. Also, we should teach children the value of respecting others and being open to people's backgrounds and cultures.

Personally, I am tired of people playing the race card just as I am tired of people acting like there are no issues with racism when there clearly is; I am tired if someone profiling the guy sitting next to me simply because he looks/is Arabian or Muslim. Or Christians told they have to agree to everything the secular world does, we must respect the views but we do not have to go with it.


Mighty drops of water they say make a mighty ocean or a small river. It still does something. So TODAY, I have decided to be the change, to be open to others and learn more about their backgrounds and experiences and not judge them from a far - give everyone a fair chance as it should be. I will start with me and it can start with you.

There is so much we can do together. Let hate die. Let love live.

Abi Tobi  

Sunday, April 26, 2015

Oh You Woman

When I look at women, I usually have an admiration for how perfectly uniquely beautiful God has created each and everyone us. But yet, we tend to suffer more from self-image issues; it's either we feel too skinny, not skinny enough, too curvy, want more boobs or less and so on. The society has somehow encrypted in our brains that we NEED to be a certain way to be beautiful.

To be honest, I go through these too. Growing up, I was very skinny and was constantly reminded that I needed to eat more. I also believed it when I was told that I was unattractive. Growing older, my body started to change on me. Now, I tend to add a few inches if I stick to certain kinds of food, and get frustrated when my tummy makes me look 4 months pregnant. I have also felt insecure about my hair and wondered why it wasn't thick enough or why it wouldn't grow as fast. Every time, I went to a hair salon as a child, there was usually a joke about me having "grandma hair" and this made me crave "good hair". I didn't let these things get to me, I often laughed about them, but there were those odd days no one knew about, where I looked in the mirror and hated it all.

These days, God is beginning show me that I am made in a different light. I am starting to own and appreciate my "extra curves" while taking care of body. I am researching and appreciating the beautiful hair God has blessed me with too. Every hair type is good hair. I am a marvelous creation.

Psalm 139:14 (NKJV) 

" I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are your works, and that my soul knows very well"  


We do have a responsibility to take care of our bodies and hair etc.. but we should  start accepting the beauty and change they come with too.

This post is to encourage and to remind every single female out there that you are wonderfully made and you are absolutely beautiful! So, OWN IT! :) 




Have you seen her?
created in details
every curve beautiful
every line so perfect

at every stage, with age,
she grows, confused about her body
as she starts to force herself in her cloths
increased waist line without warnings,
unable to see the beauty in the nature of its change
unable to reconcile beauty at every stage
oh you woman
don't you see how beautiful you are
your every curve is so beautiful

She looks at her behind
or breasts, and compares them to her sister's
wondering if something is wrong with her?
"where are my curves? I want some curves.."
oh you beautiful woman,
can't you see how God has perfectly blessed you
your every line is so blessed
so uniquely, perfectly placed

she blossoms,
her face full of youth
and with scars on her heart,
she chooses to love with all of it.
she is beautiful
at every age,
in growth, in wisdom

But sometimes,
when she looks in the mirror,
she sees things different;
insecurities, weaknesses, ugliness...
how can we take these scales off?
oh you woman,
your every curve, every line is so beautiful

She forgets,
that no one is without insecurities
let your light shine from within
allow your strengths to overtake your weaknesses

oh you woman,
you are beautiful
created in details
across all cultures,
all body types,
all hair types,
doesn't matter how different you feel you look
you are so beautiful
specially and uniquely created
















Monday, March 9, 2015

P-E-T WHAT???

Do you remember some things you did or said that made you get that feeling to run underneath your bed to hide? ... Well, maybe some of you are perfect, but since I am clearly not, I definitely have lots of those and I will be sharing two of them with you.

It was an English exam. I was all ready, nothing was going to stop me from excelling... UNTIL I saw the essay question "Write about your Pet Peeve" What? P-E-T WHAT??  I had no idea what that meant! I freaked out! I looked around but everyone was writing. Anyways, when life gives you lemons what do you do again? make cranberry juice and life will be like, "say what???!!!  lol. So, I did that and decided to be creative and wrote about my pet, named Peeve. haha... don't even try judging me for once, what was I supposed to do or write? I wanted to get marks for trying!  :/ To my surprise, I did pretty good in that class but now, I will never know if it was because I was "so creative" that my teacher decided to mark my essay based on content and grammar, or if I totally A'ced the rest of the exam. This, I will never know but I am pretty sure he had such a good laugh marking my paper.

The second experience was also an exam situation. In my high-school in Nigeria, we all had to take a native language course. On one of the exams, we were asked to write an essay on "oko ofurufu" (which means airplane). Guys, I was so confident and so sure of my answer and went ahead to write about the Farm of ofurufu. The problem is that, in my language, oko means a lot of things and one of the things I was sure it meant was Farm and I had no idea what ofurufu meant, in my mind it must have been a name of a town or something. ah! you can imagine how I did on that exam. On the bright side though, my parents had a good good laugh and I did not get into any trouble for my performance.

Now, I can laugh about these things and share them because, sometimes, the only way we learn is by failing or doing it wrong and there is absolutely no shame in that.

I hope you enjoyed this post. I will  really appreciate your feedback/ what you think about today's post/ similar experiences. Have a great week everyone.

With Love,
Abi Tobi :)



Friday, February 6, 2015

What is Right?

Emptiness: watch it swallow my mind
almost taking control of every bit of my emotions
look as it tries to steal my complete state of being
But there is something ... that can . never . be taken away

It is fresh, I won't say bright
but it shows a light at the end of the tunnel
that little bit of something
a little bit of hmm
tomorrow needs to be better
tomorrow will be better

Today, today is still here
yesterday is gone, but today is still here
and the world still feels dark,
still empty
but today is here and I am here
so, there is a reason
I was made for a purpose

while we ask questions,
the search to know, "why am I here?"
while we go on this journey, soul searching,
mind finding, trying to fill the space within us,
looking for meaning ...
we hold on, we don't give up,
we have hope.

We hope that someday we will know.
we will wake up in the morning
blessed with the revelation of purpose,
we will understand that this journey is NOT a waste;
pain wrapped with much.. more... blessings!
while there is no answer today,
tomorrow will be better

I have a choice,
to wallow in my feelings or none
let my mind stay in constant void
OR to
hold on to hope
hold on to faith
hold on to God
and trust that there is a reason
there is a purpose
and one day, I will find it

so, please ask me one more time what is right
and I will tell you,
hope..
It is my choice
it is right to me,
and it is enough for me





Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Nothing is Wrong ...

it is a feeling words cannot express,
shows up even at your brightest hours
killing every chance to see things colorful ... it's grey.
killing your right sense of being

it's a feeling you don't want to accept
the shame of talking to a friend or two
for whom can we trust with such depth of emotions?

nothing is wrong
but nothing is right either
the world seems empty
practically, it is empty
"what am I here for?", you ask

the emptiness in one's soul
it's like it stole your right to feel anything
your right to feel anything;
mostly no pain, no hurt, no happiness,
... no sadness, no joy...
almost like a robot, you take "it" as it comes
it stole your right to feel anything but emptiness
nothing is wrong,
but please tell me, what is right?!!
"what am I here for?!", you ask.





Monday, January 19, 2015

7 Things you start to Hear/ Experience as a Young Single African Female ...

Happy New Year Guys!!! I am grateful to have made it into the new year and I feel like this year will be full of good surprises, I feel it in my fingers and toes and bones lol. Anyways, I wish you all the best in everything this year.

Do you remember when you had to keep your boyfriend/girlfriend a secret because if your mama or papa found out, you are a dead meat (pretty much)? haha. Depending on your culture/ parents, especially for those of us from an African home, being in a relationship in your early teens was highly frowned upon... for some people, this rule applied even when they were in post secondary. Okay, fast-forward to years later right after graduation from post secondary and suddenly, everything changes-180 degrees!  Let us talk about 7 questions/ experiences you start to hear/ have.

Before we move on, let me clarify that for the purpose of this blog-post, single means your family has no idea you are in a relationship, they do NOT take your present relationship serious or in reality, you are single.

So, you are finally done school, those sleepless nights paid off! And like many fresh graduates, you are thinking of the next chapter of your life - maybe to try to gain valuable work experience, start a business or maybe go back to school. BUT to your surprise, your family and everyone in your village ( including those you have never seen in your life) have the perfect plan for you - You need to get married ASAP!  Let us admit that some of them care and want you to move on to the next level but personally, I find the whole situation funny...  "why did we have to grow up SO quickly and how did we get here again?" lol

Moving on, here are some of the questions/ experiences you might experience;
(p.s. you can post a comment if you have other questions or experiences you want to share)

1) When are we meeting him?: Okay, hold up! you feel like you are not hearing clearly. Just yesterday, you were prohibited from talking about a potential boyfriend and today, he is supposed to be "meeting the parents?" .. how? and please define "him" lol

2) Maybe your standards are too high?: Everyone starts to know what standards you should have, " men don't like a woman that is wealthy, maybe you should sell your condo" or "you should not be dressing like this, no man will come" or "just agree to what he says". Sometimes, it feels like you should just be a bubble head so that you can lock a man down... sigh*** what  happened to friendship, love and understanding? shouldn't we be going into a relationship for the right reasons? smh

3)  Are the boys not coming?: And in your head you are like "say what?" some people even go further to ask you to go for special prayers- just in case "the spirits" are keeping him away. The best answer to this question is silence (I think), you keep them wondering and confused and they might start to think that they are actually right lol.. who is the joke on now?

4) Some of your married / "taken" friends might cut you off: It's like this is some sort of competition and if you are not smart enough to be in a relationship "we can't associate with you" smh. Why do we girls do these things? I have spoken to different people and at some point, ladies usually experience this. That friend suddenly starts to act like they are on a whole new better, clearer and higher level. You want to offer an advice? they look at you like " what does this one have to say" lol.... no words! Some people don't know they act this way though.

5) When your mom or aunt calls, she will tell you about an "aso- ebi" she is about to buy: You now get phone calls that the only important detail of the conversation is how "Mrs. Banjo's" daughter, Anna, who is younger than you is getting married next month. Your mom/aunt will tell you all about Anna's future husband and how proud her mother is of her. In-case you have been wondering why your mom will talk to you about a woman she isn't even close to,  it might be her way of dropping hints! lol it's interesting.

6) If you can not get a man, we will help you :) :  This is not necessarily an uncomfortable thing, actually it's a good way to meet people depending on your relationship with your parents and/ family. But it gets all crazy when they start to set you up  repeatedly with people you canNOT stand for one second ... Such a disaster!

7)  You are very single but Your wedding is being planned: That awkward moment when your family tells you exactly what your wedding will be like and that awkward moment when you are very single and everyone is hoping that miraculously, "before the end of the year" you will be married.. oh boy! things that make me crawl under my skin. smh...  But have they stopped to consider your plans?  "what if it's not in my short term goals? or "what if I do not intend to get married?"  :/

Sometimes, we girls might find ourselves in situations where we start to get too eager to get married mostly because of pressure and because "all our friends" are doing it. In our mid- twenties, we see proposals everyday and everywhere, people will ask questions and people will try to set us up with the wrong kind of person. Like I stated earlier, I believe our families want the best for us and have a desire that we move on quickly and easily but we have a responsibility here.

Don't let the pressure get to you and do not get into a relationship for the wrong reasons. Being married is becoming a trend for us, and some people do not take their time to know what they are getting into. People get into the most miserable, unhealthy, worst times of their lives because they were too eager. All I am saying is, don't be those people.

At the end, it will be you and your partner dealing with everything/ problem together, no one will go through whatever will happen in your marriage with you - your family won't be there in your home with you. Marriage should not be a title or some sort of  "status enhancing factor". It should be for the long haul with someone whom is willing to hold you and whom you are willing to hold even when you have/ (s)he has lost everything. I believe it should be about love and friendship and we should not get into it because the society wants us to. We have to be comfortable and glad with our choice and we need to trust that God will bless us with the right person.

Please let me know your opinion about this :)
Have a great week everyone!

With Love,
Abi Tobi <3