About Me

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Calgary, Alberta, Canada
I am a lot of things - I am limited edition, not weird :) . A Christ Lover and a fashion lover. I love crime and comedy shows (or movies) .. and I always move on no matter what :)

Thursday, December 25, 2014

'Tis the Season

Merry Christmas Everyone!!!!!!  December is one of my favorite months of the year, not because it is my birth month but because it is such a happy month. No one gives you a funny look when u pack on cakes, chocolates and other sweets - the one month you are allowed to be a glutton.  Most people are willing to share, everyone seems so jolly and so merry and we all look forward to taking those extra days off from work! YAY! ( sorry nurses, doctors and likes). In general, I find that in December people are usually happy.
Family -  On my way to my home city yesterday, I was telling my friend how much I am looking forward to seeing my cousin`s little children, I just imagined my niece dancing around excited with her eyes sparkled when she sees me. They made me more excited to come home for Christmas and I can`t wait to see them today!! Also, when I was a little girl, I used to look forward to Christmas ( and no I never believed in Santa or Father Christmas). I loved the season more because my father was home for an extended period than usual, compared to during the rest of the year when he was away working. He and his friends would organize a party every year at this time and we (the children) would be together playing as hard as we could.  There was music and drinks and our parents would dance or we could hear them laughing so hard. This made me feel very warm inside. Christmas has always been a time to share and to spend some quality time with my family.

Growth - Another reason I love December is that it is the end of the year, and coincidentally, the end of my age year. Because I look forward to new beginnings and to improve in aspects of my life, I reflect. A year is usually a good time to see how much you have grown in certain areas and to give yourself new challenges or areas to improve on. I am either satisfied or unsatisfied about where I used to be but the best part is the chance to improve. So, December reminds me that a beginning is coming -January- because like mornings, it gives an opportunity to start over or get better.

Sharing -  Personally, I don't like to get carried away buying gifts during Christmas. In all honesty, I hardly do. For me, it is usually the best time to give to those who might have forgotten what family is, those who need more than I do and those who might desire some sort of love. The thing is, we get enough opportunities to show those we are close to that we love them. In Christmas, I like to share with those I see might feel a little ( or a lot more) low during this "high" season.

In the midst of the jolliness and happiness, this can also be one of the worst and most depressing times of the year. It can be a period when people are reminded that they are alone, when people remember the pain of the loss of a loved one or when people try to put a smile on their children`s face but can not because the family has other pressing needs. What can we do to make it better?

We can reach out - we can give to a parent that we know can`t afford to give her children more this season, we can invite someone who might be alone this Christmas to celebrate with us. We can call that long lost `no one knows what she is doing` cousin and wish them a very merry Christmas. We can love more,  we can share more, not just with our close family and close friends but with everyone!

I wish you all a very merry, happy and jolly Christmas!

 <3 I wish you all a very Merry Jolly and Happy Christmas!!!!


Abi Tobi 

Monday, November 17, 2014

This Happened ...

For some reason, I found myself going down memory lane and in awe of how much God has transformed me. This post is a personal story but I will share it anyways.

In 2012 ( mostly late) and early 2013, I was a good definition of a hot mess. It was like I was living in this black small but deep hole, was very broken and couldn't understand why it was difficult to be, I had lost joy and complete inner peace. I had completely lost myself.

Before this period, I had always had fear in me but I guess it was the best time for it to fully truly manifest. Fear was playing serious mind games and it was telling me things that I started to believe.

It started off as the fear of failure. Growing up, I set dreams and goals for myself and I was very determined to achieve them. Likewise, every semester at university, I would do same. The thing is, I liked to be in control of what might happen to me, I like to take my future in the hands and work hard to achieve my goals. But then, I started to fault at not getting the grades I wanted, I wasn't able to work at particular places I wanted to work, and I realized that I could be a big time failure. You know how people say failure is NOT the end of the world? That sounded like a silly joke to me,  it was the end of the world; there was nothing I couldn't take but failing. Failure to me was not achieving the most realistic goals I had set for myself- that made me feel completely stupid. Failure was failing at anything I put my heart in or believed I could do. Failure was hurting my friends and family. I couldn't stand being a failure- and the fear that I could fail just made things worst.

Remember all the dreams and goals I had growing up, some of them started to sleep because I had lost the confidence that I could pursue them. I didn't want to fail and the challenges I could have faced to pursue them scared me.

Fear started to grow in every area of my life, I was even scared of walking on ice in spring because I would fall and break something. I was scared of driving because I would hit someone (:?).  Even though I desire to see the rest of the world, I was scared of going anywhere because my parents wouldn't support it. I became fear.

I remember a friend of mine talking to me about this, she noticed it and encouraged me to deal with the situation head strong. I cried as I started to open up to her, I hated the whole picture very much but did not know how to get past it. So I started to take active steps;

- I prayed about it, we prayed about it. My friend would pray with me and always encourage me. I remember that she listened to everything I said and held me like it could have been her own battle. This by itself gave me strength, it made me feel like somehow, God was watching out for me and  blessed me with the support and love I received.   I am grateful that she was there. I received my healing.

2 Timothy 1:7 (KJV) "For God has not given us the spirit of fear but of Power, Love and Sound Mind"

- I read my bible, I focused on verses that reminded me that fear has no place to stay in my life. I realized that condemnation and fear doesn't come from God. I was/am a christian and that must be true in all aspects of my life. I realized that I had lost peace because I was always afraid. My favorite bible verse for the situation was 2 Timothy 1:7 (KJV) "For God has not given us the spirit of fear but of Power, Love and Sound Mind".  As simple as this bible verse might seem,  it carried much weight for me.  You know what, I did not have a sound mind. I was assured that fear doesn't come from God.

Jeremiah 29:11 (KJV) "For I know the thoughts that I think towards you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, not of evil, to give you an expected end..."

- I started to realize that I can relax and not worry about planning everything or that it was a must that the plans would be exact. I noticed one of my major problems was that I was not putting all my trust in God concerning my future - I had to be in control. This period humbled me. I saw that it is okay to plan, but when things are not working my way, I had to trust God about my future. I had to train myself to truly believe that God was working it all out for me. I understood that I would fail at some point but we learn through our failures, we become more prepared and groomed for the next step. Failure as I saw it, isn't failure.

- I involved God intentionally in all aspects of my life, he became my confidant. Before then, I would run to friends or family when I was dealing with something or  I would just keep it to myself- angry, bitter or disappointed about it. But through my transformation, I started to run to God first. I slowly started to trust him more and even in the midst of betrayals and "funny circumstances" I started to experience some sort of calmness.

- Like I was blind before, I slowly started to notice people who brought me down, those who brought negativity, people who were in my life to use me, and people who claimed to love me but could careless. I made a decision to have no close or intimate relationships with them, so, I had to let some people go through my growth - slowly but surely.  My intention was not to cut them off, it was to close any form of closeness, I decided to keep these relationships on the surface and let it stay there. Some didn't notice anyways and it made it even better.

-I practiced doing things on my own. I have always wanted to do lots of things but for fear, I wanted to do them with other people so that no one would laugh at me (lol). One of the first things I did was to register at a gym, if you live in a typical Nigerian home, you know that you will get teased if you are somewhat skinny and try to "work out" or eat "healthy" and I hated it (:$) so, I did none even though I always wanted to. To face my fear, I registered at a gym and then I started to practice clean eating. (BTW practice is the key word here hahaha, I knew almost nothing about clean eating at the time). As simple as this act was, it helped me face my fear and to take a tease with a light heart.

- I decided to travel by myself to somewhere far and somewhat unfamiliar, because it was always something I wanted to do. I want(ed) to see the world and at that time, I had the time to do it. However, when I was making my decision, not a lot of people supported me, my parents didn't want me to either because, to them, I was still their "little girl"  something could happen to me. I get that, but if I didn't explore, I would always regret it. I also knew that it wouldn't be completely their fault it would have been mine. So I went ahead, made plans and I did it. I faced some of my fears on my trip, like fear of water, heights or even being in an unfamiliar place. I had an amazing time!!

The situation of experiencing fear and coming out of it is by far one of the best and eye- opening encounters that has ever happened to me. Like I said, it felt like I was living in a black small but deep hole. But I thank God for bringing me out of it and replacing fear with love, power and a sound mind.

Things I assumed failure actually worked out for my good, and some plans I thought I had? well, they were almost of no good to me in the long-run, I would have been unhappy now.  For some of the other dreams and interests I had, I have started to pursue them again  and I know that IF I "fail" I can only get better.

I won't say I am totally fearless but I have definitely come a very long way. (I am still scared of dogs even though I love them very much (haha), don't worry, I will be working on this)
God has blessed me with calmness and  inner-most peace and this is one of the greatest gifts I have ever received.

This is my testimony and I hope it speaks to someone.

Abi Tobi

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

The Escape ...

Have you ever felt like you needed an escape or just a personal place to enjoy or deal with all the highs and lows of emotions? and Not only when you are sad or lonely or happy but whenever you needed a place to build your internal energy or just whenever you wanted to be in that zone.
Some of you might ask “what is she talking about?”… Well, a place of escape is not necessarily a “physical place” or a named place. It is the technique you use to deal with your emotions, to get your acts in order, a place for relief, a place where you can be YOU. Completely, truly, perfectly and beautifully you! It is the gift God has given to us that makes us feel some kind of “complete” or peaceful or real or a place where you can accept who you are.

Have you watched some people dance? Oh! They can dance like there is absolutely no worry in this world and can just do whatever they want to without caring about who is watching. The way their faces shine at a sound that makes them move.
Have you studied some people who love to sing? They can make the heart of a wicked king melt away. They can help you; take you through all sorts of emotions and feelings with their voices.  Some of the words of the songs become magical, but if you read those words normally- they might appear as just that- words. Do you ever notice how happy they get after they sing, or have you shared the relief they have felt after singing? They sometimes feel like they can conquer the world after singing their hearts out.
Do you know any artist, anyone who can draw? Sometimes, they just want to hide their beautiful talent and feel all the beauty in it by themselves. Okay, not exactly hide; just a quick quiet escape for peace, for love, for relief and … beauty in the world.
What about those who love to cook? It’s like they are cooking their stress away. I am personally amazed by this escape because it is a chore I will pay someone to do if I could afford it. They cook with all the love they could and even serve you with every bit of care they can offer. It is amazing to watch the content on their faces when they do.
What about fashion gurus? These people get excited about the creative ideas of putting a piece upon another piece. Have you watched their eyes when those ideas turn out beautiful? And trust that they want to practice on everyone who will allow them lol.
An escape is a place you can go to feel some sort of relief or peace, a place for yourself and it is amazing to watch people release stress through that one thing they love to do. God has gifted every one of us with that special personal place and we have the option to let it die or to develop it. We have an option to keep it to ourselves or to share it with others. We have an option to grow through it or limit our abilities by it. We have an option to utilize our escape and to make it more useful to us and others.
One of my means of escape is writing and I love writing about different random things. Not necessarily my personal experiences, I gain my inspiration from various things. it could be from a small lesson I picked up in a movie, a random tweet I saw, a conversation I heard, celebrity news, a very random experience, something I learnt at bible study, and it could also be drawn from something personal. My mind has a way of expanding something so small and building topics on it. If you met me in real life, I will likely appear to be a quiet person with little or nothing willing to say or share. But writing is like my voice and I can go on and on and on and can be free.
I had been blogging but stopped for a while because blogging was no longer feeling like a place of escape. I wanted to be free and I wanted to share but I felt limited for some reasons I wouldn't discuss, at least, not now. I wanted to become a better writer (I still do) but I couldn't measure my progress. My goal was (and still is) to deliver content and to accept useful criticisms in order to grow, and also for my readers to pick lessons from topics delivered.  The aim was mainly to motivate or encourage my readers (you guys) , to make you all laugh, for you to share some emotions with me, and to share something God laid on my heart (there are times I don’t want to, but my spirit won’t let me rest until I do).
It has been almost a year since I last blogged (gosh! it feels longer than that)  and I must confess that I miss it very much! I cannot count the number of times in the past I felt less stress when I blogged, and my heart had been telling me to get back to it but I can be stubborn. I was  stubborn mostly because I was considering that maybe this part of my life is over but this is a hobby I cannot ignore. Most of my closest friends have been asking why I stopped blogging, and encouraging me to get back to it; so, they have been a motivation too! I will take this little moment to say thank you guys! love you much, you already know ;)
It is important that sometimes, we take a step back to figure out how much we love something but we shouldn't completely ignore our “escape” like I did. If there is something you love even for fun and satisfaction or something that brings you some sort of relief, try not to ignore it. I encourage you to utilize it and develop it.

So, here I am again guys, back to my escape!

Friday, February 14, 2014

What Your Love Means to Me

Love , love; that is what you are to me
and more... 
You are my wonder man
The one who wows me with his goodness
Blessings and mercies, 
his care, time, it's like all you are for is for me

Mighty, no, that's not enough 

Your protection against my selfish hurtful wants 
Your re-directions, your wisdom
Where would I be without you?

In my darkest hours,

You listen, I feel like you are right there  
Holding me close
Speaking peace to every storm 
My friend, the one who doesn't make me feel stupid 
I mean, even in my foolishness you still love me 

Your sense of humor 

How you use stupid things to amaze me 
How you take from such a tiny situation to make big revelations 
God, there is none like you
There will NEVER be 

The glow

I glow, you give me peace everlasting 
Sometimes, people can't understand why there is calmness in my life 
Or where strength comes from
It's all you. 
In you, I am always glad 
The joy of my salvation 

Lord, words can't express your love 

I wish I could love as much as you do 
It's amazing how you love me 
Irrespective of my ways, my foolishness, childishness, 
ignorance , even sometimes, my going away doing my "own thing"
How can anyone take all of that and still love me, still want me ?

I wish I could love like you do

I wish I could love others like you do
Lord , your love is everything to me
And I am grateful for it