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Calgary, Alberta, Canada
I am a lot of things - I am limited edition, not weird :) . A Christ Lover and a fashion lover. I love crime and comedy shows (or movies) .. and I always move on no matter what :)

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Second Chance 2

DING DONG!

"Lily, get the door"

Lily kept standing still at the door and I went to see what was happening. It is was Darlene. what? I thought it was a dream, 17 years later and I wondered what exactly she wanted or where she had been. First, I was thankful, that she was alive, not gone with the dust, 10 feet below the earth and that she still looked soo beautiful. Darlene was my everything. She looked beautiful, it felt like I was only seeing her for the first time but more. I did not understand the emotions that wound up inside of me. One side was really angry, very mad, I felt anger burning my soul! what on earth made her leave? I NEVER really understood why she left. The other side wanted to hug her for life, I was more than thankful she was alive.

"come in"

I showed Lily pictures of her mother and told her she had gone missing. I couldn't bring myself to tell her the truth I could not! Lily found out the truth about 2 years ago when  we were cleaning out the house. The old letter her mom had written was in an old small box where it still remains. I don't understand why I kept it.

"have a seat, would you like some water, tea or coffee?" We served her some old cookies and hot tea (it was really cold out) there was a strong air of awkwardness. Lily sat, not saying a word, would not say a word.

What does she want? Maybe she has cancer and wants to right her wrongs first? maybe she is back for Lily? maybe she is here to use us? Perhaps, she will leave again? or is she here to stay? maybe we could pick up? whom am I kidding? it has been 17 years and I have my daughter and myself to protect.

Darlene was my teenage crush/love and we shared our every dream together and even when it seemed impossible, she was always there with me, there for me. She was innocent and with a huge heart, my baby would never have walked away, I have never really understood why she left.  oh does she want her family back?

To be honest, I wanted answers.

Darlene started tearing up... and boy! this was awkward! was I supposed to be nice? should I just keep it awkward and watch her cry? I chose the latter.

But I have been in guilt for the past 18 years. Yes guilt. Darlene and I got married right after she was done high-school. at the age of 18, I was 20. I still had a lot of single friends whom I often drank and hung out with. Seeing my friends fooling around and being free made me secretly feel like my youth was being taken away.

...... and it all started when I was paired with this girl to work on a school project. She was brunette, with long legs and a killer smile. Her name is Tami. This girl walked and talked with all confidence, she was bold and firm. Like she wanted me to have her. Don't get me wrong my wife is confident, but this kind was different, this girl was not the "good girl" type. She was very spontaneous and fun.

We studied late nights and got closer by the day. It was all innocent at first, my wife knew her and we all hung out from time to time with her boyfriend. Then, she started flirting. She would tell me how I am the only man she would trust with all her mind and how she feels connected to me. She was super nice to me and super smart and Lord knows she smelt sooo good.

So, I took to the stupid man in me, and we both vowed to keep it a secret. She was my part-time girl and we both enjoyed being that. In fact,  I believe that's what drew her closer to me, she was free to see anyone and obviously I, wasn't allowed to, except my wife. This girl, she was fun. This girl was a different kind of different.

After Lily came, we had no peace in the house. It was hell every time and my part-time woman would sometimes give me money to feed my family. It was horrible. I know, babies were not to come for the next 2 years (till I was done school and working) but I was soo guilty I wanted a permanent Darlene in my life.. something that would always represent both of us.

After sometime, I could not handle it anymore and told  Tami off. I was tired and done with being unfaithful. I was done with disrespecting my wife and seeing what she was going through with Lily.  I was done with dishonoring my vows. I was done.

Tami then became a monster. SHE never really cared about my family? really? she was out to completely destroy us. She threatened to reveal everything to Darlene and I begged her with all that was in me not to. BUT it was either that or we keep this nonsense going so I told her to go ahead.

So one night, I planned to tell my wife everything. Lily had a play date with our neighbor's kid and I got home to an empty room and a note...  A note that did not explain much. I do not know if Tami said anything. Was Darlene soo angry and heart broken that she left? I couldn't really tell. my heart was torn.

My heart was crushed......




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