About Me

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Calgary, Alberta, Canada
I am a lot of things - I am limited edition, not weird :) . A Christ Lover and a fashion lover. I love crime and comedy shows (or movies) .. and I always move on no matter what :)

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Is this Selfishness? Is it love?

no! love, no, selfishness
it`s the heart that is shattered
that holds on after love is broken

the heart that wishes
that longs for some more
even at the end of the story
at the end of the journey

the type that wants you here
that secretly wishes no one will fill that space
that wants everything to be fine,
back to normal NOW!
but what is `normal`?

the heart full of bitterness
at the thought of being with another
or imagination that you move on
Is it selfishness?
Is this love?

Holding on so long
to what would have been
living in those wishes
letting bitterness
steal my heart
is this selfishness?
is it love?

But now,
I will let it go
let you go,
away from my heart
away from my soul
away from my mind
that in my head you are set free
for me, and for you
not because I do not care
but because it`s the best
for you, for me

But now,
I will let you go,
away from us
and everything
everything that has my name,
and yours written on it
away from wishes,
and live life as it is, now
remain in now, and be happy
even without you

That you may find happiness
love, and more happiness
that I hear good of you
that you laugh in the rain
and your dreams come true

that you find love
and your soul is set free
that you do what makes
your heart leap
I wish you the very best

Goodbye my once love
Goodbye my friend

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Yours, Abi

Dear Lord, 

Words can not express
and my smiles can never be wide enough
my praise is like a mustard seed 
to show  how thankful I am

Day in, day out
You write my story 
Reminding me that I am yours
that I belong to you

In the midst of pain,
and in the midst of trial 
you give me reason to laugh
and when my soul is weak
When I am so broken 
and can't let go, can't get up
You have been my strength

When I am alone 
When there is no one to turn to
When my heart is cold
you have been my friend
A shoulder to cry on
With you, I never feel judged
It amazes me how you pull me through 

And even in my stubbornness
When I want what I WANT 
When I go my own way
You welcome me back, 
Embrace  me with your love 
In your presence I feel at home

Lord, you are love
You define love to me everyday
Sometimes, through others 
Mostly,  directly from my relationship with you
It's the way you protect me
the way you fulfill your promises
The way you reveal yourself
God, you are real
I am thankful to be yours
I am thankful to recognize you as Lord! 

and I sometimes doubt you
This big ocean of unbelief in my heart
Lord,  sometimes I forget your plans for me
I forget that you have a purpose for me 
and years down the lane
I am more than grateful I did not have it my way

Lord, I am not the best child
But you love me anyways, I am in awe

So now, 
I will trust you more
I want to trust you some more
Even in my doubts
I want to remember your goodness
and that everything happens for a reason
that you have a beautiful plan 
There is my will
And there is yours 
Help me to want what you want
Teach me to love 
Lead me, hold me, 
help me make a difference,
Be my foundation
And like a strong tower complete me

Abi Tobi 

Saturday, November 10, 2012

First Date Rules II

Hello beautiful people! It is a white day here in Edmonton and we have been having this down pour since Wednesday and well , I won't complain, it is just really WHITE everywhere .. I miss Spring .

So how are all the New York Bloggers? lovelife4sale, you there? I hope you guys are fine and my prayers are with you. this too shall pass. amen.

and the series continues! Yes first date rules. I am no expert oh but wise actions might save us from trouble and more troubles. Anyways, I read about a girl in Nigeria who jumped down a high-rise apartment in Lagos because her date was trying to rape her (Linda Ikeji's Blog). hmm, I do not blame the girl for being assaulted and I am particularly ashamed that at this stage and time people would still blame her.

  • But my point is abeg make una dey go public place -- go to a public place I am begging. Biko, because you really do not know what the other person's intentions are, and also, you want to have fun but not let all of yourself go. Public place, please and thanks

  • Money:  Oh yes, you were on your own and someone asked you out on a date, he should pay. Whatevs' girl! Take your cash or debit or credit card and if possible for two (lol)... To be honest, I usually like the idea of my date paying for me (and they usually do) but I like to be prepared. This guy might be stingy or  broke or maybe the date sucked for him and he won't invest any further, who knows?
I read a funny story on twitter about a girl who went out on a date with this guy and decided to go grocery shopping right before the movie and then got to the counter and said she forgot her wallet at home. Guy just helped her arrange the things back to where she picked them from. Girl was really pissed and opted out of the date and ended the communication with the boy loooool! really though, why do we do this to ourselves? why? why? haha .... Honey, do not embarrass yourself, go prepared. You can take care of yourself  and this is a subtle way of showing it. Do not order more than you can afford and when the bill comes, bring out your wallet, cash, debit card or credit card whatever it is, place it on the table. Just show signs that  "I GOT THIS BOY !" lol 

  • Girl, it is a date not Halloween! So dress to suit the location or event. If you are going on a movie date, something casual - If you are going to a fancy restaurant, something more elegant. I would say, don't look like you are trying too hard to impress him but look good. Do not go and wear an evening gown for a movie date lol
  • Do not show too much skin.. Important. because you might look like you wanna sell out. Men are moved by what they see so note that. whatever you wear be comfortable in it and feel beautiful in it, ask 1 or 2 friends to assess your looks (too much, not enough, etc) ..  Go feeling like:

Remember to have fun and relax, it's the best way to enjoy your date.
Enjoy the rest of your weekend, I will be enjoying mine :D 

Hugs and Kisses
Abi Tobi

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Changed Man

HELLO EVERYONE! I know! I know! and I am sooo sorry! I have no excuse at all, not one valuable one but all I will say is I have been UNDER RE-CONSTRUCTION. lol, yes, re-constructing myself and I tell you I have learnt a lot (still learning and growing) in my months of silence. I say thanks to everyone who did not un-follow me and for everyone who told me to come back. you guys are too nice :)

Definition of Past - "gone by in time no longer existing" - Oxford Online Dictionary

My Past,
Hunting me in my dreams
reminding me of the stupidity of world "defined" beauty
Oh, if only they knew
Knew who I was
maybe they will know how ugly I really feel
how ugly I really am

ah, it's not letting go
I can't let go
see all the pains I caused
all the hearts I broke
I am truly sorry
How do I forgive myself?

But did I forget
that, that is gone by?
gone with the wind,
with time, with the seasons?

Did I ever forget Isaiah 43:18
that I SHOULD  move on?
and 2 Corinthians 5: 17
That ALL (not some) things have become NEW?

I am a changed man,
I have repented,
tried to right my wrongs,
asked for forgiveness
and departed from my OLD ways
why should I hold on to THE PAST?

I won't act like those things did not happen
But I am glad in my soul
will take joy and sing in my heart
that I am not that person anymore

I can live in peace
I can breathe
I am a new being


So darlings, don't let anyone in this world or anything you have done make you feel like you do not deserve to be happy. You deserve to be happy, you deserve a new start. See, when this kind of guilt comes, it is a cage (I know because I have been there), and a BIG LIE of the devil to keep you from moving forward in life. See, the truth is how can you move on if you do not forgive yourself? God has forgiven you and that to me is good enough. Jesus said it is FINISHED on the cross (John 19:30). and he said this JUST BEFORE he died. think this deeper. It means no matter how much people have condemned you, no matter what they say or do to criticize you for what you had done, it don't matter no more because Jesus died with all your sins. He rose again to give you a new hope and for you to start over. Your past is finished and you can now  move on.

and you might say, I am struggling with this or with that, and I have been trying to stop but I can't. say this to yourself. I WILL stop. say it again and then again and believe it!

But honey, you CAN NOT stop on your own (I say this again because I have been there! more than once or twice lol). hmm, we feel like we can just be disciplined enough to stop doing things. ah, wrong!
God sees your heart and can give you grace. see, especially as Christians, we need to learn to ask God to help us out. He is such a gentleman and if you do not ask him you might just keep going around in circles. Like I said discipline is not enough. I will give you a simple example.

A few months ago I noticed that I started becoming gluttony.  lol, like see, I am not a foodie, but I wanted to eat everything I saw (smh), it did not matter if I was hungry or not, if I had just eaten or not, or if I just had that same thing or not, if it was there I wanted it! I was not happy about this and wanted it to stop! I tried discipline, told myself that I wouldn't be greedy but e no work lol. But until I prayed about it and asked God to help me I did not go past it.. (soo don't be afraid to invite me for dinner lol) ...

Philippians 4:13 you can do ALL things (not some, ALL) things through Christ. so ask God for help and he will definitely be there. 1 COR. 10: 13 reminds us that we won't be tempted beyond what we can handle and that means you will go through this and successfully. Det 31:6 reminds us that God will NEVER leave us or forsake us. So you should ask him to help you, to lead you and you will be fine :)

Also, recognize that you are growing, some of these things you are angry with yourself about were okay once upon a time. God sees your heart and he will help you through. channel your anger on determination to stop, not at yourself but at what you are doing. you should pray about it and work towards it as well. I believe that at every given point,  there is something that is a working progress in our lives to make us better people. so darling, you will get through this :)

  Prayer + work = Winning :D 

and if you are reading this and you want a new start through Christ, wondering about who the Lord is, you should try him out (Honey, you will never know till you try). He already loves you and he is ready to work through things with you. Say a simple prayer and ask that he comes into your life, that he reveals himself to you and that you have a personal life-changing relationship with him. trust me, he will come through and he is waiting for you.

So People, go ahead and be happy, and let go of everything that is holding you back. INCLUDING YOUR PAST AND UN-FORGIVENESS. You need to move forward and God wants you to move forward.... Remember, You are NOT that person any more, you are a changed man!

Love y'all

Abi Tobi
P.S. I love this song!!