About Me

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Calgary, Alberta, Canada
I am a lot of things - I am limited edition, not weird :) . A Christ Lover and a fashion lover. I love crime and comedy shows (or movies) .. and I always move on no matter what :)

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Is Love Enough?


If you were anything like me, you were probably  glued to the TV watching Disney cartoons and reading the books over and over and over  as a child. From Cinderella to Snow White, Rapunzel, Beauty and the Beast, Little Mermaid etc I learned so many lessons (or not!). About love and marriage and my "Prince Charming". I learn't that if two people love each other, they will live happily ever after (WRONG!) ! and that every girl has a "Prince Charming"  and he will be REALLY REALLY GOOD LOOKING ( ehhh ..), perhaps, the one every girl wants to be with (na so?). But I won't have to fight to have him, he will want me, and he will do everything to have me (Okay, but in real life if a man wants you he will def do anything he can to get you and keep you! so this one is half-ly true sha lol, I can't be doing "cat and dog" to have a man, if he wants me, he has to work to have me (FULL STOP) hehe..)

Even in Hollywood movies, most chic flicks remind  us of the importance of love in intimate relationships. They mostly tell us that if you truly love each other nothing will separate you two.  So is love enough to live happily ever after? Will every day of our married/dating lives be filled with ONLY love, mushy-mushy-feelings, hugs- and -kisses? Let's keep in mind that love means different things to everyone.

I would say NO! Love is definitely not enough. again: IT'S NOT ENOUGH! and there is not such thing as "happily ever after" ...  In as much as it is very important,there are other factors that make it work. Before I proceed I have come up with a definition of intimate love... eros - love between lovers.

When you understand, are ready to accept, are very satisfied to take on the responsibility  that your number one priority after God is to make your partner happy. When you truly understand the meaning of "2=1" ... and when their joy becomes yours. and  when this responsibility gives you peace. In that when "he/she smiles, your world is alright"  --(that quotation is from a movie lol) ........ and when your partner feels exactly that way for you and you have a confirmation in your heart.   -- I got the bulk of this definition from a young Adults' conference I went to

-- Just wanted a chance to throw it out there lol. But there will be times in a loving relationship where you forget this, when your lover just annoys you, or when it feels like you can't place what you are doing wrong, when love won't be enough to save the relationship. There are other factors that help to keep a strong healthy relationship.

  • Mutual Likeness and Respect: Yes! You need to like each other naturally, as friends. You definitely need friendship in your relationships. You need to understand the meaning of sacrifice and being there for each other, not as lovers, but as friends. The fact that they are especially special, it should not feel like stress when you need to go an extra-mile. You should cos you want to be there as a friend. Respect goes a long way too. 

  •  Patience and Understanding: Ha! This one is so important. You need to learn when to react or shut up. Need to know when to over-look things. You also need to really know the person, soo much that no one else can describe them more than you. Understanding your partner and  his/her needs helps to save a lot of headaches in relationships. 

  • Communication and Trust: The fact that you overlook things doesn't mean should not communicate. Key word: COMMUNICATE, the hearer is listening, and the talker is actually passing a message across. Communication strengthens understanding your partner. You need to trust your partner too, I really do not understand how a relationship can work without mutual trust.
I also believe that many young couples (crazy about each other) run into marriage without thinking of some factors outside of love that might cause trouble like 10, 15 or 20 years into the marriage,  Don't say that's too faar into the future, almost everything to me is an investment so I look at the long-term more than the short term. 

So before you say "I DO" think about the following:

  • Personal Goals: If I meet a guy that I am absolutely in love with and he tells me he plans to work in the military. My dear readers, it won't work. I respect people who serve their countries and I respect their families EVEN MORE! But I  can't be worrying day and night worried about how my man is. I can't be having sleepless nights.  Another example, if a man I love sees his wife to be a full-time house wife, abeg! I am not his. I will be bored to death. To be honest, there are somethings we can not compromise.  So talk about your personal long-term goals, not as a couple but as a single person. If it's something you can't deal with, my dear, save yourself the trauma now.

  • KIDS: Oh yes! not everyone should have kids and not everyone wants to. So does this guy or girl want children. This thing causes a lot of wahala. Don't go thinking you will/ you can change their minds about it. Some people would rather water their love for you and build their careers as well instead of having kids. If you want some and he or she does not, there is no point.

  • Family and the relationship with the family: I went there! So if his/her family hates you, and your partner is one who will take his/her family's words over any other, even when it is not logical to do so, I think you should rethink. It's worse if your partner can't defend you, or help them accept you. I know that most times, families are a working progress but watch your partner's reactions to it. If he/she won't defend you now,  it will be hard to defend you when you are finally married. If it is something you can cope with fine! but if not, talk to your lover, maybe you both can think of ways to get you to have a better relationship with the family, maybe your partner can bend a bit to save your relationship.

  • The Holy Spirit: I believe that the reason why we have lots of christian marriages failing is because people were so impatient that they did not wait to hear from God. They mistook confirmation with the flesh with confirmation with the spirit. and because people are not ready to persevere anymore.  So the fact that you both genuinely love each other doesn't mean he/she is the one. Also, it doesn't mean another person will not love you even more. What if God wants you to date this person to learn one or two things from him, things to prepare you for the right one. An older friend said to me once that one might have a beautiful relationship that might go to south but we do not know weather that relationship is to help make way for someone else in like 20 years. There is a reason for everything and in as much as we might not understand why somethings happen the way they do, it is better to listen to the voice of God. If you do not have peace in your spirit about your relationship, it is better to pray about it and let God direct you, and to do what he has said you should. At the end, ALL THINGS  work together for good to them that love thee.

So yes, love is not enough, we need more! Love is like the foundation, it is like the seed you plant. But the other factors are the nutrients, the water and  the sunshine that makes it grow and makes it stronger. So much that even When winter comes, and The strong wind blows be it a tornado or hurricane, you will still stand strong.

With this I leave you with this song,which will be one of the songs that will play at my wedding... one of the ones I and my MR. Right will dance to first as MR& MRS lol (p.s. I have no ring or plans yet but I definitely know what songs will be playing haha)    

Olomi -- By Tosin Martins

Have a Lovely Weekend Guys!
Strawberry Kisses
Abi Tobi 


  1. Insightfully deep. Thank you.

  2. Quite insightful; personal approach with room for general application. Nice one.
    I need to clarify an impression though: - listening to the Holy Spirit will help us out of any relationship we are in that is not His will for us in the first place. When we get this clear and we come out of such, we can learn from the experience, and God will still work out the best for us, despite the error we were in. However, it is unlikely for Him to lead anyone into a relationship for the sole reason of learning something to prepare you for the right one in future. God is unlikely to do that! Actually He does not do that. The pressure, frustrations and other problems that broken relationship causes does not justify that, Plus, God does not usually lead into try and error!
    Just thought to add this little one.
    Meanwhile thanks for this nice blog.

  3. maybe I am seeing it from the wrong perspective... thanks for the correction.

    Thanks for your comments :)

  4. Hi guys...
    It’s nice to be a friend with you.
    But may give you somethings special.
    You should to try it. It’s free, friends.

  5. Growing up cleared all the Disney and M&B notions pata pata. I wish love was that simple and uncomplicated though #sigh

    Your list of 'essentials' and mine are pretty much the same although i tell myself i don't have a list :) It's more of a 'mental check' actually.

    First time here & following. Nice blog

  6. I know.. the older I got the more I thought "shoot, I won't have him coming on a white horse" lol...

    Thanks for stopping by and following