About Me

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Calgary, Alberta, Canada
I am a lot of things - I am limited edition, not weird :) . A Christ Lover and a fashion lover. I love crime and comedy shows (or movies) .. and I always move on no matter what :)

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Doubts?

P.S. I drafted this around Summer I  really don't know why I never published it tho

Hello blog-lovers!! How are y'all doing?

Like never, I will explain this poem before typing away... It will be the first time am putting it down, but I know exactly how it will go. It will be simple, short and clear. It's about the human mind, doubts, fear and our insecurities.

Disclaimer: This poem isn't about me- as almost all the time-.

Longing all night,
wondering if he still cares?
Why come home drunk tonight?
It is our anniversary
Why not wait for me
We used to together
Am I no longer fun?

Was that a kiss of denial
Like Judas, Is he selling me lies with a kiss?
Why tired of me now?
should it always be about me?
How I feel?
What about him?

I rant and cry
Get mad and walk away
If he cares he will come
But did he  really do anything wrong?
Was he right for staying away?
Do I  call or not?
Will I look desperate if I did?

Am not insecure
I just want to be sure

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Some hidden truths about Immigrants

Hey y'all! how is it going.... it's a beautiful morning (this is me trying to be positive) well... except for the fact that it is winter :$... the weather is not too bad today (only a few degrees, if you lived in Alberta you will be greatful too :p) .. Plus am blogging from my blackberry and it feels good. I feel like some sorta business/ career lady doing "work" that she loves hehehehehhe.... But I did not finish it that morning ... so the feeling was half? X_X

Anyways, I had promised to write from an insider's point of view about immigrants and I got some motivation today, so let's get to business. I will say that there are lots of misconceptions about people who leave a developing country like Nigeria or Ghana or Romania to a developed country like Austrialia, USA or Canada. People in your home country think you have hit it BIG no! HUGE! like it's all  going to be milk and honey and perhaps, maybe a money tree behind your house. Well, you understand what I mean... It feels like your life is finally going to have some shape or form?

hmm... it is a somewhat good feeling when you are leaving to somewhere that has more opportunities for you, your wife and especially your children, but it is not soo black and white. Before I move on, am writing for people who legally moved to a developed country. KEY WORD: LEGALLY!!! ... now, I can proceed :)

First, most immigrants were at least a little above average in their level of comfort if not, they would not have been able to afford processing the permanent resident visas. Processing these visas and so on is not cheap. It is expensive. Secondly, it has to do with a lot of emotional and psychological change. They leave their loved ones (friends and family) to a land where they know little (maybe from vacations) or nothing about. They prolly had maybe one or two friends or family there and have to start building networks all over again

Thirdly, no one tells them their chances of getting a job. Okay, some people get very lucky or highly favored by God. Some people worked with an international firm back home like KPMG or Shell, these people have higher chances of securing a job here, they could get a transfer or just apply.  Some people apply and it comes. While many others have to get off their high horse, forget everything or almost all accomplishments from their home countries and start over.

Start over, I mean go back to school, get an upgrade before getting a sensible job. It usually takes longer for people in the health-care line. They have to get their papers right before their degrees or experiences are recognized.

So what does starting over mean for you and your family. It means degrading. Well, if you look at it from one perspective, it is investing. If you are ready to do the work, it will be worth it. The good news is after 12 months of residency, it becomes easier to apply for loans, or grants and maybe get scholarships.

So what it means for the family, wife, husband, and children? It means downgrading, like they have to cut down almost everything.  The couple might not have time to do some of those extra things like going to the movies regularly, or some other special treats. They might now see them as luxury. It is a big change for the kids too. They might not be getting all they want or almost all they want anymore, they have to adjust to the life of "it's all we have for now" they will start to learn that nothing comes easy and also learn the importance of hard work. It means the parents get off their high horses and do menial jobs. Something they thought they signed away with their degrees or masters or even PHDs (from their home countries). Remember, many of them are back in school upgrading and working full-time to support themselves and families. So they are starting their lives over again.


Around the time of upgrading, they face challenges. The experience can be very frustrating, remembering who who they were and what they have to settle for now can be very frustrating. Sometimes, people wonder why they even moved :( ... Believe me or not, older adults face more challenges in school than we younger people do.  The weather and culture are huge influences too.....   Also, oh oh! one huge thing is they start to do everything I MEAN EVERYTHING themselves. No drivers, no house-helps, no "typists," no laundry man or woman lol. They do it all themselves  (remember that most immigrants were more than comfortable. They could afford these things plus in developing countries, labor is relatively cheap).

But at the end they will be fine if they keep holding on. The key is to never to stop trying. At least, look for something to do, get some sort of upgrade, talk to the right people, cut off all luxuries and because you worked hard for your money, be prudent and wise with spending.

Usually, once they get a first job after upgrading, things start to fall in place. Whether or not this happens tho, the opportunities they open for their kids is the deal. These kids will have almost no restrictions. Thank God they learnt the importance of hard work from their parents.

So yes, it is not all milk and honey, it is not as easy as people think. And for every cent they make they earned!!!  (no-one in this country gives you money for free), so yes, it is sometimes hard to give. It is more annoying sending money back home and hearing it wasn't used wisely.  But people away from home usually remember home so no matter what they still like to give a hand :)

However, all of these costs come with benefits, depending on where you live and how you think, the life style can be very simple (if you make it be), there are lots and lots of opportunities for you and partner and your children especially career-wise. But don't be deceived, it is not all black and white. If you are ready to tear down your house and build a castle then migrating is for you. If not, enjoy your already wonderful life with all your cleaners, and drivers, and special treatments (I miss the house-cleaner part sha X_X)

BTW: If you have a parent, or relative living abroad who just moved (my definition of just moved is anything under 6 years). Please think deeply before using their money to do "am the boss" at home. They won't tell you what they are going through and you prolly won't believe them. Just be wise please.


Have a wonderful week ahead y'all


xx
Abi Tobi

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Don`t go looking

I don`t know if I have written this before.... but I think I should address an issue. I seem to meet many young people who `go about looking for a relationship` .... I mean, who dream and dream everyday about being with someone who loves them, like making it almost the purpose of their existence. I know it is a wonderful thing and feeling when you meet a special person who feels same as you, but one thing you shouldn`t is `go looking`


Why not?
  • It looks very thirsty, like you would settle for anything or anyone, and you begin want a relationship not the person. 
  • Especially for girls, you get too carried away when a crush is around that you don`t do you
  • You forget that you can make friends with the opposite sex. Every man or woman that becomes friendly with you will become interested in your eyes. People want to meet new people, people want to make friends.  If it turns out they like you good BUT don`t assume
  • you might start to forget how special and loved you are
  • You might start to settle for less.. there`s nothing wrong with bending the rules but not completing putting them off... Let people work to have you, then you can work to keep them
  • You might forget or decide not to pray about it


 What to do?
  • Have an open mind
  • Go out and have fun. Make friends. I hate it when I go out and people start to get snobbish to others. Like if you want to be ``high and mighty`and sexy. Stay home. If you wanna have a party, talk and, or dance with people. 
  • Don`t forget who you are and what you want
  • Remember that not every girl or guy that flirts with you wants you. You might be fun to flirt with  or might be good at it too :)
  • Recognize an opportunity. If you like him or her and can tell they do too, give it a try
  • Be mature about things.. Don`t try to justify everything or give an excuse for everything
  • Don`t go into a relationship for its sake. It will make you unhappy. --- be in touch with what your heart and head are telling you
  • Don`t ignore a potential good relationship for the wrong reasons either. Your friends or family won`t be in it with you.
  • Pray about it 
  • Have an open mind
  • Don`t forget who you are and your standards

The last three, first and 3rd are very important.


Much Love,
Abi Tobi
xx

Friday, November 11, 2011

Updates :)

Feels like I abandoned my blog :( NO! I did :'(... I have been crazy busy for the past months.... I will say I have had busier semesters but this one sucks my time in a way I can't explain

How are you all doing? I am very well... learning day by day...  If you remember a few months ago I was crying about the ugly breakouts that refused to leave lol... well, they are clearing up!

What I have been doing/I do?


  • I stopped using my foundation, threw out all my face-care products.. well, the pimples (or irritation) became painful and hard but I needed time to figure it out
  • I called my friend who is a sales rep for MaryKay.. I got the 3 in 1 TimeWise cleanser for sensitive skin, the blemish control (toner) and the MarKay foundation
  • Then I used the washer and toner every morning and night
  • I also got Vichy facial scrub that I use once in a while (it's cheaper --- go figure!)
  • I have seen huge improvements. I stopped the toner about 2 months ago and I still see positive results
  • I break out more when am stressed or when it is my time of the month but they fade out quickly
  • I moisturize so my skin isn't too dry :)


Please stay tuned to my next blog post am writing about the "realities of an immigrant" or "what people don't know about immigrants" or "the covered truths of immigrants" (not sure of what to call it yet) basically about people who LEGALLY moved from say a 3rd world country to a strong economic country like Canada.

After that I will write about other reasons people prefer to wait till marriage before having sex, its benefits and how difficult it might be