"look at him, all fat and annoying" arrgh! how did I get myself into this? how did I end up with him? okay, he isn't fat or anything.. he just lost the spark, I don't know why I get irritated by him. Last night he came home with a new necklace for me hoping it would make me smile. Argh! NO! It's really not about gifts or money... It's something more....
You will call me selfish but yes, maybe I am... I really don't know why I am angry. He tries to make it work, he does everything he could but he is missing the point; the whole point.
I can't leave him, am in love with him, I absolutely am... He just irritates me these days, he got too careless, too confident... because he knows I won't leave. I remember when we met, before we got married about 5 years ago. We always had those movie nights, and we would go dancing once in two weeks. And we surprised each other all the time. It was like my fairy tale. Our fairy tale He had a drive wanted to be on top of things without controlling me, very understanding, and treated me like an egg even when his friends were there. I felt like a princess.. That's who I feel in love with, that's why I ended up with him.
I don't know what happened, he changed.. okay, not completed, but I miss the man I fell for. Now, he wants me to do things his own way, he thinks he knows better. I never signed up for this. I know he will never hit me or make me forcefully do anything that will harm me or that won't make me happy. But I just want to make my own decisions and think things through before he chips in his opinions. Okay, I would give credit to him tho, he is usually right and that makes me jealous. yes, am selfish.
and now, he has his friends come over eat my darn food and leave our darn house untidy..... he used to prevent them from messing up the house.. he knows how I get with these things... me and untidy don't stay in the same room... they get soo noisy and even tho he knows am studying for my exam in my last year in med school he doesn't consider it..
He used to dress-up for me... okay not DRESS-UP .... but look good, take his time to wear that nicely tailored shirt when we went out as a couple... that's all gone now (n) he seems too busy for me...
all of our special nights of treats are gone... he seems to busy for me... he seems tooo busy planning both our lives instead of allowing us plan it... last week, he talked about us trying for a baby and ofcos am not ready. I don't think we have the resources to take good care of a child yet.. Like, my kids have to get the best of everything... paying student loans, and just starting our careers.. how can we afford it?
I love my baby... see, I can't help but call him baby... I know he does too and I know if we came back in our next lives, I would pick him over and over again... I just miss him... I just want him to realize that we need that spark again... Marriage doesn't have to be boring, I don't want to grow old too young... How can I make him see this?