About Me

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Calgary, Alberta, Canada
I am a lot of things - I am limited edition, not weird :) . A Christ Lover and a fashion lover. I love crime and comedy shows (or movies) .. and I always move on no matter what :)

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

..... (I can't think of a title lol... )

“I could careless”
That’s what I say.
It is halfly true
Because priorities has dictated this

Searching for something else;
Perhaps; gold, fulfilment, happiness, riches...
Yes, success calls me.

But some days,
My heart is void
Like it needs to be filled; its necessity to be NOT alone
And when hearts fill the streets
I want to be held; even if it’s for a moment or two.

So why do I keep running?
Why am I scared to share all of the intimacy in me?
I know hurts terrify... the past taught me this
But maybe another reason might be valid?

So “I could care less” but
I still wait to meet one who would make me care and more
Or have I? They say you know when you do; I say that’s not true.

Sunday, April 24, 2011


It's 4am and am awake, and I haven't been able to concentrate or study; and I really can't stop thinking... I was in library yesterday when I got the information that my friend lost her brother.. like this is not just any friend of mine. We are  family already; we were about 6 girls and we did everything together. That's why it's really really geting to us. Like he was her best friend; they were two of a kind; she called him her twin; he loved her dearly and vice-versa. Arrrgh! he was sooo young and he had a good life ahead of him and he was a Christian, and responsible and the first child... He slumped. like he wasn't sick, there were no signs, no accidents, no injuries, he slumped; his heart decided it was tired, the air we all take for granted took him for granted yesterday. Death is soo wicked; it sticks out his ugly head and takes those we love away; leaving pain in our hearts; it respects no-one and no age and no culture or background.... It's just sad that as people are celebrating the resurrection of Christ; my friend and her family are mourning the death of a really young man who was good. That he is now referred to as a past tense hurts.

This just reminds me and re-affirms in my heart that it is not just about waiting for the coming of Christ; but about living every single day right in him. We don't know when our time will tick stop. We don't know when God will say that's it. It could be anyone and at anytime. And because we are young and we have dreams and ambitions, we sometimes live too fast and think that perhaps we have time on earth, like it won't be our turn or our loved ones today or tomorrow. We forget why we are here and who brought us here. But it's best to live for Christ and it's best that everyday of our lives we live in Christ's legacy. What's the point of living on the fast track if you or I won't make heaven what's the point of gaining all of the treasures of this earth and not going home to God?

I pray God strengthens my friend and her family. It's sad her parents will not reap the fruits of their labor; it's sad that as Oscar was building up accomplishments the air said no. This saddens me and if it does this way I only pray for strength for his family; strength and grace is all I can ask for them.

I pray the death of young people stops, I pray all of the sad news and people dying declines. Lord have mercy please do. I pray that in times we need strength and courage and when it's hard to believe God holds us a little tighter and assures us that HE IS STILL IN CONTROL. I pray my friend is strengthened; she is soo broken and I don't know what to say to her; I pray God gives me ( and all of her loved ones) the wisdom to be there for her too

Live one at a time; in love and modestly; more importantly, live for Christ, by him and with him......


Thursday, April 21, 2011

NFA?? (No Future Ambition??)

So, I had back-to-back finals between Saturday and Tuesday and I have the last one next week Wednessday. Soo like a student who doesn't want to end up selling pepper or cleaning washrooms or wasting her parents money, I came to the library... I have.... I have been in this library for about 3hours and no info is ready to get into my brains... like seriously... am gon' cry, lol.... maybe I need to chill? ..

Anyways, here goes my story about what I want to do with my life. I really don't know what I want to do... okay, I know this sounds like a "no future ambition" kind of thing lol but... See, I have lots of interests, there are many things I want to become and I really want to become all of them. lol, how can I narrow down my interests?

So am in Business School and an Accounting major. Trust me, I love accounting (or so I think) I see myself doing more Managerial Accounting; having meetings with the BOD and planning/managing a company's or the government's funds. I love things like that. Putting things in order

Then again, am a Marketing minor; in Marketing there are a few areas I will be happy to branch into... like Marketing Communications. I want to actually blog for a company (tho, am not as good yet, but practice makes perfect right; I know I have what it takes, and if am ready and interested and with God I will do just FINE)... I love advertising; like I want to be part of a project team that sets up an advertising campaign for a company. Like I have had random unshared thoughts about how I can make a particular Ad more effective. and watching a bad Ad kills me... am like these people can hire me tho lol (I could do some of these things for free lol).... Then, Product management... Just give me the products and the features and I will tell you what to focus on. I really don't have these skills yet because you need some training in the work force to be good at this. But I am interested. I am interested in communicating to people that they need something even when they don't want it.... I think I am a little persuasive but not forceful.... I think some of my soft skills will help me to be successful as a product manager

Then I think of being an Editor or doing more writing; I actually love writing... I remember in high school when some of my friends saw my hidden poems; they read them and laughed at me, I din't care lol... I sometimes think it's because am not good enough that they laughed... but what do I care? I know I have room for improvement... So back to being an Editor; I don't know what my chances are lol but I always dream't of this or having a sorta "Abi's Corner" in a magazine or website; where people will ask questions about different things (things like relationships, school, maybe fashion (err not sure), family, friends, God, church etc).. I still want this even if it's like a part-time thing or something "for the fun of it" (I will do this for free lol)

I sometimes just think am wasting my time in Business School>>> and then I think (I thought about this yesterday) should I apply to law school? I love to fight for justice... I really don't like it when others are being taken for granted and being oppressed... I get really passionate about women issues; those who are looked down upon and mistreated .... I hate it when people treat other people differently because they are of another race. Am African (I know) but all races are guilty (and btw; scientifically race is a void term.... there are more differences in our features "in culture" than "out culture" .... skin color is only one part of it... maybe culture makes us different. I still think it is important to see where other people are coming from, and their backgrounds before judging them)... Anyways, back to the main issue...  I think I should tender my passion in these areas, maybe?

Sometimes, am like should I be in behavioral profiling. Okay, in real life, am pretty much quiet; I tweet alot tho lol but that's because am typing. lol. But it doesn't take a lot for me to understand someone's personality-- when I want to--. Like, I won't act like I do but I usually predict people's reactions and actions and 75% (to be fair) of the time am right. But then again, I won't say I love people par say; but I love studying people; and I act like I don't know what's going on sometimes (I think it's more fun to play along) ..... that being said, profiling would be an interesting profession. or maybe criminology?

hmmm.... what about being a social worker? what more is there than to give (through God) life and hope to people... Like that alone, I can reach out to people and make them understand that with life, there is MOVING ON.... and then GOD perfects it all.......I find myself wanting to help people (even when it doesn't make sense to X_X) noo, I can be mean too lol.... but knowing that I can help with making someone feel a little lighter puts a smile in my heart. But the down side of this profession is, I don't know if I can handle soo many sad stories...  *sigh*

What about  psychology?... I remember when I was between 16- 18 some of my friends teased me about this lol... and then my cousin, who was 13 then said it to me one day   ... he was like "you should consider being a child psychologist" I would enjoy this profession; it's good to be people's listening ears and to offer good advice but then again how much of other people's hurts can my heart handle?? I dunno.......

I like anything that has to do with organizing, bringing people together, events and so on... sooo events' planner. Did I mention that order is important?? oh, don't start to think  of me as some organized freak lol am not really one!.. But I plan... and I usually re-live my day in my head to see if I accomplished what I wanted to, or if I said something/did something I wasn't supposed to... and I check to see where I am at lol.... I don't meet all of my goals but every time I fail, I learn better ways of doing things....
So yes, I like order... I like to put things in order... I sometimes think I would be a good P.A. but  I dunno.... I like the event planning thing; I think if I get adequate training I would like it more. Like I get someone's list carry it out and put a big smile on his/her face doing better than they expect lol... it's not as easy as typing it I know that... I know it takes hard-work, and am willing. I have been begging my friends to go get married (lol) so I can help with planning their wedding (through begging the wedding planner to hire me lol)....

I have actually thought about being a model lol... okay not that type of model (am not tall) but just like for fashion-lines (this is the type of thing I will do for the fun of it) nothing serious. But I have thought about it. If someone offers me I will do it.

I dunno.... am still an undergrad and am gon' be done pretty soon.... but do I really want to throw all of my dreams away because I am getting a CMA or CA (or both) designation? How do I channel my interests? Do you think I need to talk to someone to sort this out? Is anyone out there in same shoes as me? lol

xx ♥

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

I will Wait

 Om goodness! I came across this link and I caught some chills: those words are like wow; the first 3 minutes o pow!  ....

let me know what you think

Monday, April 11, 2011

Dear Lord

I am waiting on you, to hear my heart cries
To see that I need you; closer than ever
To let me know
That at the end, all of these are for my good

And every time someone comes
And says: “Guess what?!!”
I know you have wiped their tears
And answered their prayers
With all in me, I rejoice with them

So I am expectant
Hoping that tomorrow I can say:
“Dear friend, GUESS WHAT!”

Your time ticking says the best
For you know why it is like this now
But if only I could understand it now
If only I could let go of all of these worries
Because in YOUR time YOU will

Dear Lord,
I write to you today; worried and afraid
I just need you a bit closer
To feel your arms a little tighter
And your face a little brighter 
For you to have mercy and to show me which way to go

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Tears and Joy of My Land

First, I will like to make it clear that I am not into politics. But I wrote this in August 2008 and I am sharing. I was less-mature then, naive and somewhat innocent. I just couldn't understand why there was so much poverty in Nigeria, so I just pushed it on our leaders; because of all I had heard from family, friends, media and so on. This message is for leaders, yes! But we are all leaders in our own ways and there are people who look up to us, watch what we do, and some younger kids whom we are role-models to; so we have to lead by example. It starts from how we treat (intentions including) our neighbors, co-workers, subordinates, friends and so on ( It goes back to God's commandment of loving your neighbor as yourself). If we want Nigeria to change we have to give what we can to her, we have to decide in our own hearts first that we would close our minds to corruption, and try to set the difference.  I have done some school research on rich resource countries and Nigeria always comes up; so seriously, there should be enough to go round but NOO the poor get poorer.

Anyways, here is the "poem?" (I don't know if it qualifies :$ ) and it is unedited lol

From the green land of Nigeria
A land that flows with milk and honey
where we have got all the honeys
I mean both male and female honeys
She is blessed with true beauty 
We are beautiful to behold.

A land blessed with treasures
while in real sense we have got almost nothing
my land cries in tears all the time
It's full of "big bellies"
those on the high stand, 
swallowed with all the greed in the world
wanting to "chop alone" 
shey dey no go die alone??

My land is blessed with the finest cultures...
greatest dancers, best entertainers....
with the ankra, adire....
hmm, we have got cloths that speak
hair styles that kill,
we compete with the sun, cuz we are hot like fire,
and you can't handle the heat!!

My land is blessed i say
rich with groundnut like sand
wells and wells , and wells of oil
tell me, y should people still have to suffer?
that's why my land cries....

"The big men" say they try their best
but the best u see, they try for themselves
putting the "dou" in their pockets....
and they whisper, " if you can't get here, u can't eat at all"
like my land provided all her richies for them alone.

They silence anyone who wants to lead for a change,
They are bad bad shepherds i say
it comes from my heart i don't want to hide.

My land is one of the richest in the world
and when i do the maths,
it doesn't make sense that people suffer
That's why my land cries

Nigeria got brains..... 
Nigerians got brains

We got people like they are money banks
we got houses like they are palaces
we got education like it was made because of us
We have got sooo much wealth,
So many wealthy people
Still we got lots who cry for food all day loong
People who work hard and earn almost nothin
tell me why won't my land cry,
why wouldn't she cry for a change!!

My land has joy for having all the wonderful people
she's happy for all her richies, her success....
My land cries for her pains.. for her people
She wonders why those with good bellies don't lead
She wonders why greed has swallowed the hearts of it's shepherds...

(I just want realized that there is a song that goes with it :$) 

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Ready For Love?

I have had a crazy hurricane scheduled month (March) .. I have been writing papers and studying like I am on some type of drug or something (the academic drug hehehe) .... I can't wait for Thursday when I have my LAST presentation for the term (oh my! I think I would jump on the roof, screeaaaam, PART-EY!, dance, practically all I have been deprived of in the past month... I CAN'T WAIT! : D )

Talking to a number of people, I began to see that many people are soo carried away with their hunger for a relationship that they begin to close their eyes to what they need/deserve in one..I really wanted to write about this but it wasn't working lol... so I wrote a poem (usually works better for me X_X) that addresses this:

It's what my mind whispered
And what my body cried for
I was ready for love
I was ready to be sunk in 
For every pain it would bring
For Every smile my heart would feel

I opened up
To lions and serpents
Those that will destroy me
For I had said: "I am ready"
They knew my thirst for it
Blinded with lies
My standards were lowered

Oh! I had looked for Love
With every Jack and John
For he might be a "potential"
I told myself..
I forgot what I really wanted
Everyone was what I wanted now
I was ready for love

The wrong type I found
I gave my body and soul
With every stroke that my heart caused
With every smile my body needed not

I ran to it
Unready for what it would bring
Unable to see what I deserved
desperation had called
I suffer the wrath

I was ready for love
With every Jack and John
I found it with the Lions and Serpents
Blinded: unable to see what I needed
Unable to see what I deserved
I suffer the wrath....

I run Out
I see the scars
I might be ready to love
Is Love ready for me?
Now, I watch and wait... .
Able to understand what I need
Opening my heart to what I deserve...

 ~~  Abi Tobi __