About Me

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Calgary, Alberta, Canada
I am a lot of things - I am limited edition, not weird :) . A Christ Lover and a fashion lover. I love crime and comedy shows (or movies) .. and I always move on no matter what :)

Wednesday, July 6, 2016

Guilty















I think I look guilty. I am not sure but that’s what they say
They say I am naturally guilty,
Like atrocity is embedded in my genes

Everyone else walks these streets free
But can I? The question is: am I allowed to?
Why am I being followed?
What exactly is my crime?
Is this a crime of my existence?

Like every other day,
I wake up and I am hopeful for a new day
I am loved, much loved by my friends and family
I love fishing, playing football and having big family picnics in summer
I love to have a good time, and thank God I do.

Maybe I dropped out of school, maybe not.
But like every other day, I am hopeful for the future.

Today, I was being followed again. 
Today though, I wanted to be careful
I didn't want to be part of statistics.
No surprise, I was talked to like I just committed murder
I tried to ask what my crime was
But I am on the floor
Begging for mercy; pleading to be let go
I tried to scream but my voice starts to faint

I am weak. I try to scream for help
Tried to reach my energy, I am hopeful
My voice is faint. I tried to speak
But my energy is vanishing
Today isn’t my lucky day
A sound is going through my chest
I can’t reach air.

What exactly was my crime,
that I deserved to be killed on the spot?
What exactly was my crime,
that I did not deserve to be heard?
Was it the existence of my being?
Why do they always call me guilty?
Was this because of my race?
Did I deserve to die because I was an African- American male?


Yesterday, another innocent African American male, Alton Sterling, was rough-handled and shot by two police officers. There is a video going viral of what happened, I saw it, and the deceased was shot multiple times. The whole thing is heart-breaking. 

This is dedicated to everyone who lost their life due to misuse of power & / police brutality. 

The difference between us and them is location. May Justice be served this time. I really really pray Justice is served this time.  







Sunday, June 12, 2016

Perfectly Single?

In a world where everywhere you turn you must "see" the hashtag #couplegoals, it seems like it is much more valuable to do life - whatever it is, with someone else. When you are in a relationship, you mostly automatically have a partner for all your favorite activities - a movie, hiking, dinner, playing video games, vacationing etc,. You also by default and love, have to pick up new hobbies, and enjoy them with the person. 


While it is absolutely beautiful to do things with someone else, there is also that thing about enjoying life by yourself, independently and beautifully alone. The question today is where do we draw the line?  

I have found that I am way better when I do things alone - studying, a pet project, learning or developing a hobby, etc. Even at a new job, I have to learn things on my own instead of being spoon fed. For me, finding your own way is the point. Sometimes, being alone in a space with no one particularly known makes me so much more productive. Is that weird? 

So yes, I would go to the movies alone, sign up for an activity alone and so on. While I enjoy spending time with my friends and family, sometimes, it is better alone. Yes, I plan it in my head, share it, and then kindly decline any sort of offer for others to hop in - I am not always successful 'cos stubborn friends lol. Maybe being an only child, and growing up as one contributes to this?  I am not sure I know how to be any other way.

Also, I have been single for a minute and in this period, I am learning a lot about myself.  I am finding that comfort and confidence in who I am and just owning it. I did not realize how much I could appreciate who God has made me and I grateful for this gift. 

Sometimes, I fear meeting the significant other. What if he just wants to scatter this sanity and space that has been created for me? What if he doesn't appreciate and understand the way I am crafted? When I say I need some time to recreate or to regain my energy, I fear that he will take it personal, and think it is because I do not love him enough. The reality is that I already have so much love in me for him and by God's grace, it won't run out. Will he understand the time requested is for my sanity?

So here I am, living a single person's dream and loving life.  I am enjoying the journey and appreciating whatever life throws at me.  But could I be too comfortable in my own space and unknowingly, looking the other way when there is a threat of someone scattering my sanity? Or maybe it is A-okay to have these fears, and to be careful when making such decisions? Where exactly do we draw the line? 

Am I the only one who is like this? Are there other people out there like me? What do you think or what advice do you have? I would love to read your thoughts, opinion / & advice. Please leave your comments. 

Thanks for reading, I hope  you enjoyed this post, and will be returning for more from Abi :) 

Love, 
Abi Tobi. 



Sunday, May 1, 2016

Why We Serve

Have you ever been in any kind of relationship where it felt like the other person mostly did nice things for you because of what they got in return? How did that make you feel ? For some reason, I often find myself in situations where I am being used. Whenever I realize a friendship is not genuine and for selfish reasons, it hurts. Glad that I never wait with keeping such friendships - I just remove myself from the situation. "to the left, to the left " * in Beyonce's voice lol. I won't say I am not guilty of it either.

I grew up in a culture where people believe that the more you serve, the more you do things in church or other religious communities, the more your prayers will be answered. From observation, I find that people really believe that if they soak themselves in church activities, fast for the whole month, and so on, God will definitely give them what they want. So, if the answer to your request is no, does it mean that God isn't true or does it mean that he is not good? There is nothing wrong with serving, and soaking oneself; however, the question we must ask ourselves is the intent of what we are doing:

- Is it to get "favors" and to be on the "good side"? Is it to earn righteousness points? 
- Is it to keep up with a status and the way we are being perceived by others?
- Is it because we love God? Because we love him enough to do things because of him and we want to obey him? 

Whatever we do in the name of God, expecting the glory back to ourselves is not done to glorify him and is not done because we love him. Selfish serving means we are doing these things mainly because of what we will get, be it respect, popularity or favors.

Remember how you felt when you realized your "friend" was using you?

It is so true that the greatest commandment is love (Matthew 22: 37 - 40) When you love someone, whether or not you get something in return, you want to see them smile, you want to do nice things for them just because. I try to apply this with my relationship with God. I am still a work in progress but it is getting better.

We do not have to be legalistic about things. If what you are doing is because God asked you to and you are obeying, or because you want to be a helping hand, great! But if you are doing whatever you do because of what people will say about you or because you believe that when God sees all you do, he will let you have your way or you will earn righteousness points  (read Isaiah 64:6), think again. 

Yes, there are people who keep giving so much because they have a heart of love, and God turns around to bless them - cups running over. I do not believe these people did things because of what they expected. I believe God saw their hearts, looked at them and added all other things.

Some people make these activities their number one priority and suffer the relationship with their children and / spouses. People are growing dysfunctional families and not showing love even in their homes; the home is where we should all serve first. The excuse is usually " putting God first"... Hmm is that really true? The family should NEVER be neglected! 

As Christians, we should seek the kingdom of God first (Matthew 6:33). To me, this means that we should be faithful in our service to him and return all the glory to him. It says further that all other things will be added - to me, this means that he got my back and no matter the situation, I should just trust him. That is enough for me. The older grow in my faith, and with life sometimes not making any sense, I find this word more true and important. Trusting him is another way we can find grace to obey.

Again, we should be intentional when we serve, and we all should do things for other reasons bigger than self. We may want to take a step back and think again


Abi Tobi.