About Me

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Calgary, Alberta, Canada
I am a lot of things - I am limited edition, not weird :) . A Christ Lover and a fashion lover. I love crime and comedy shows (or movies) .. and I always move on no matter what :)

Friday, September 30, 2016

oh! WOW! How did your hair get so long?

"YOU CHANGED YOUR HAIR AGAIN?" Every single Afro- Caribbean female understands the awkwardness of answering this question. " Yes, I did" you reply with an awkward smile. I was talking to a friend on Monday, and she asked me if people at work ask questions about the hair change; so, that question inspired me to write about the questions  and experience that we get and hopefully, educate other people.

It is also weird when the same set of people ask you the same question every month or two months. "wow! your hair is soo long today, how did it grow so fast?" It is most annoying because the first 2 times they asked, you explained that you change your hair frequently, and you wear extensions too.  But no!! same questions again! And in my mind, I literally roll my eyes behind my head, on other days when I am not so patient, I give a reflex dirty look that makes them keep quiet. 

What is it about Afro- Caribbean females and our glorious and miraculous hair change? and why is it so common with us? It is a cultural thing. It is that simple and it isn't strange or weird, neither is it because we hate our Afros and want other people's kind of hair. We  just get bored, and love to spice things up.  We have been wearing our braids since we were 4, and our mothers adored us in any kind of hair they did for us. So we might decide to rock our fros' today, locs tomorrow, a weave next week, or a wig in 2 weeks. Today we feel like the short bangs but  tomorrow, we want our hair flowing like the rivers through our backs. It is just the way it is. Many of us want to spice things up, we love to, and we do.

Before 2015, I was a bit shy about going out in my natural hair because I was terrified about the many questions that people might ask, or the kind of unwanted attention it might bring. So, I would always make my hair based on trying not to be too sharp about the change. (why did I care so much?)

I Strategized.  Sooo, let us say I had a long weave of 16 inches and wanted to go short - 6 inches. I will go get a 12 inches or 14 inches so that the change won't be so obvious and so they don't ask too many questions.

But again, why did I care so much?  In May 2015, I decided to leave my hair out to work and I am glad I did. To answer my friend's question, of cos people ask questions. Some people do because they truly want to know and I don't mind explaining. If you know me, you know I can talk about hair ALL DAY LONG lol. But some people are ignorant, they will ask you a million times and make you feel like you are fake and all that interesting stuff. Some people will stare at you like a specimen ( maybe not at work) and some will make ignorant statements.

In 2013, I left my hair out (it was semi-natural) and  I did a scarf like style and while I was trying to rock it in confidence, I remember a co-worker said I looked like Aunt-Jemima on the syrup container. LOL! seriously? I think I had a long term daze from what she said, and obviously didn't like it but kept giving an awkward smile. That statement made me go wear extensions ASAP. Aside from her ignorance, why did I let her statement get to me that much?

Some people will even come tell you what they prefer on you and what they think you should wear. rme. lol. I think only a few people can tell you what they prefer without you asking -your spouse or partner, children, and sometimes, your hair stylist.

Do I have to tame my hair or make it look more consistent to make other people feel comfortable? How does my hair affect what I do and how well I will still kick ass doing it?

I remember working at a place where I wasn't allowed to wear braids. I only wore weaves. They mentioned that hair should be clean and all that - soooo rude! It was from management at the top and my braids wasn't part of their image and they had this rule in their corporate binder.  I didn't complain much though but quit after 2 months for some other reasons including this. I should have done more than quit.

After sometime, I decided that I didn't care anymore. I stopped caring what anyone in the whole wide world thinks about my hair and what they think I should wear. I stopped caring that people will ask questions. In fact, I have auto answers to certain questions. "how long did it take, did it take long?"      "ya! I hear black hair doesn't get as long" ( lol! do not get me started on that )  " you changed your hair AGAIN??!". loool. Thank you audience, for taking your time to notice my gorgeous crown. If I can, I will answer your questions. If I can't, I will smile in appreciation or give you a look at the lack of it. I just stopped caring because I wanted to DO ME!

So you may see me in my short natural shrunken hair today, braids tomorrow or a long flowing weave next week, and it will still be me, and in all, I will look beautiful in them all.

I will be putting up videos about hair stories, experiences, what I have learned/ learn and what I do with hair. I am excited about this because it is something I have had on my mind for about a year or two and I am glad it will be coming to reality.


Remember that Every Hair-Type is Beautiful No Matter How You Wear It.

Abi Tobi

Wednesday, July 6, 2016


I think I look guilty. I am not sure but that’s what they say
They say I am naturally guilty,
Like atrocity is embedded in my genes

Everyone else walks these streets free
But can I? The question is: am I allowed to?
Why am I being followed?
What exactly is my crime?
Is this a crime of my existence?

Like every other day,
I wake up and I am hopeful for a new day
I am loved, much loved by my friends and family
I love fishing, playing football and having big family picnics in summer
I love to have a good time, and thank God I do.

Maybe I dropped out of school, maybe not.
But like every other day, I am hopeful for the future.

Today, I was being followed again. 
Today though, I wanted to be careful
I didn't want to be part of statistics.
No surprise, I was talked to like I just committed murder
I tried to ask what my crime was
But I am on the floor
Begging for mercy; pleading to be let go
I tried to scream but my voice starts to faint

I am weak. I try to scream for help
Tried to reach my energy, I am hopeful
My voice is faint. I tried to speak
But my energy is vanishing
Today isn’t my lucky day
A sound is going through my chest
I can’t reach air.

What exactly was my crime,
that I deserved to be killed on the spot?
What exactly was my crime,
that I did not deserve to be heard?
Was it the existence of my being?
Why do they always call me guilty?
Was this because of my race?
Did I deserve to die because I was an African- American male?

Yesterday, another innocent African American male, Alton Sterling, was rough-handled and shot by two police officers. There is a video going viral of what happened, I saw it, and the deceased was shot multiple times. The whole thing is heart-breaking. 

This is dedicated to everyone who lost their life due to misuse of power & / police brutality. 

The difference between us and them is location. May Justice be served this time. I really really pray Justice is served this time.  

Sunday, June 12, 2016

Perfectly Single?

In a world where everywhere you turn you must "see" the hashtag #couplegoals, it seems like it is much more valuable to do life - whatever it is, with someone else. When you are in a relationship, you mostly automatically have a partner for all your favorite activities - a movie, hiking, dinner, playing video games, vacationing etc,. You also by default and love, have to pick up new hobbies, and enjoy them with the person. 

While it is absolutely beautiful to do things with someone else, there is also that thing about enjoying life by yourself, independently and beautifully alone. The question today is where do we draw the line?  

I have found that I am way better when I do things alone - studying, a pet project, learning or developing a hobby, etc. Even at a new job, I have to learn things on my own instead of being spoon fed. For me, finding your own way is the point. Sometimes, being alone in a space with no one particularly known makes me so much more productive. Is that weird? 

So yes, I would go to the movies alone, sign up for an activity alone and so on. While I enjoy spending time with my friends and family, sometimes, it is better alone. Yes, I plan it in my head, share it, and then kindly decline any sort of offer for others to hop in - I am not always successful 'cos stubborn friends lol. Maybe being an only child, and growing up as one contributes to this?  I am not sure I know how to be any other way.

Also, I have been single for a minute and in this period, I am learning a lot about myself.  I am finding that comfort and confidence in who I am and just owning it. I did not realize how much I could appreciate who God has made me and I grateful for this gift. 

Sometimes, I fear meeting the significant other. What if he just wants to scatter this sanity and space that has been created for me? What if he doesn't appreciate and understand the way I am crafted? When I say I need some time to recreate or to regain my energy, I fear that he will take it personal, and think it is because I do not love him enough. The reality is that I already have so much love in me for him and by God's grace, it won't run out. Will he understand the time requested is for my sanity?

So here I am, living a single person's dream and loving life.  I am enjoying the journey and appreciating whatever life throws at me.  But could I be too comfortable in my own space and unknowingly, looking the other way when there is a threat of someone scattering my sanity? Or maybe it is A-okay to have these fears, and to be careful when making such decisions? Where exactly do we draw the line? 

Am I the only one who is like this? Are there other people out there like me? What do you think or what advice do you have? I would love to read your thoughts, opinion / & advice. Please leave your comments. 

Thanks for reading, I hope  you enjoyed this post, and will be returning for more from Abi :) 

Abi Tobi.